Caterwauling

I know, it’s a time to look forward. And, tomorrow, I will resume that. But I saw this 2009-roundup meme at Lachlan’s and just couldn’t pass up having a blog entry that writes itself!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to the beach. And got a tan. Seriously, first time in 35 years for both!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No resolutions other than to leave the bullshit behind me where it belongs. I’d like to finally have a bullshit-free year

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, right before I met her.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Maddie. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

5. What countries did you visit?
Never set foot outside the ol’ U. S. of A.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
The balls to call “bullshit” the second I saw/smelled it. A graceful way to put people in their place other than smiling through the insults. Disposable income would be nice. too.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Aug. 1 when Maddie died. Dec. 4 for reasons best left untyped. Dec. 8 when hope landed square on my doorstep. Dec. 25 because I made my first real friends in Florida and spent the day with them.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My arrest record remains spotless. It’s been about a year since I got a speeding ticket, too. *knock on wood*

9. What was your biggest failure?
Going off my diet. I could have been a stick figure by now. The failure, really, was letting life get to me so much that I let my joy and my health fall off the “to-do” list.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Two (back) teeth broke out of my head. Awesome. I was too busy to get it taken care of when it happened, and just haven’t gotten around to seeing what I can do about it now.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I’d say Mom’s apartment, even though it’s a lease and the money I spend keeping her alive and away from me isn’t really worth the financial panic in the end.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
*looks around* Uh …

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Hoo boy, Santa’s got a naughty list a mile long. I got really disgusted and disillusioned this year. It’s been a while since I was so utterly turned against someone, but it definitely happened. Repeatedly.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Building a new life. Not shoveling (or even seeing) snow. Wearing jeans and flip-flops every day of my life. I’m very excited about something right now, actually, but it’s too nascent to reveal just yet.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Florida,” by Patty Griffin.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? The same
c) richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Daydreaming, drinking, dating, beaching, bonding and being in touch with my far-away friends.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Talking. Trusting. Hiding from the world because I didn’t want anyone to really know what was going on, because the people who love me would have seen right through me, had I answered their calls or reached out to them when I really needed them most.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With friends.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Fell out.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
“Grey’s Anatomy.”

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I would never stoop so low as to hate anyone, but I moved one or two to the “regard with contempt” status.

24. What was the best book you read?
I don’t remember the name, but it was some hippie, new-agey crap aimed at putting yourself in the right frame of mind to receive goodness.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Joshua Radin.

26. What did you want and get?
A new computer. My first brand-new one. (A shiny iMac.)

27. What did you want and not get?
Peace of mind. Financial security.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Haven’t been to any movies in ages.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 35 on Memorial Day. Spent the morning at a gorgeous Kimpton Hotel on the water in Vero Beach. But something went wrong with my broadcasting system and content management system, so I spent the whole f’in morning fighting with them. I had a nice stay there otherwise; just wish I had the (holi)day off.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Mom getting a job, making money and doing SOMETHING to offset the rent/bills. Me finding a man under age 70. Hell, MOM finding a man — that’s my fondest wish.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
My fashion sense declined. I’m all about tank tops, jeans and flip-flops now. I couldn’t pull together a dressy outfit anymore if I tried.

32. What kept you sane?
Wellbutrin, Klonopin, pinot noir, ocean views, church.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jon Bon Jovi.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The continued assault on reproductive rights. We won. You lost. Live with it.

35. Who did you miss?
My D.C. family — the “urban tribe.” Someone offered to pay for my way back. Which I didn’t consider at first but, hey, why not think about it? Once winter is over, of course. 😉

36. Who was the best new person you met?
B.C., and it took me 10 months to meet this person.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Just because you put a ton of thought into a decision, doesn’t mean it’s a good one. It’s those gut feelings and impulse moves that define you best. I’m letting my (beer) gut lead me this year … and I bet I’ll be a thousand times happier than I am now. Just wait and see!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Just about a year ago,
I set out on the road,
Seeking my fame and fortune,
Looking for a pot of gold.
Things got bad, and things got worse,
I guess you will know the tune.
Oh ! Lord, Stuck in Lodi again.

“Rode in on the Greyhound,
I’ll be walking out if I go.
I was just passing through,
Must be seven months or more.
Ran out of time and money,
Looks like they took my friends.
Oh ! Lord, I’m stuck in Lodi again.”

I keep seeing everyone in the blogiverse skipping the traditional “year in review” posts and actually looking back over the decade. So, please excuse this self-indulgent post, as I look to find where it all went wrong. 🙂

2000: Ushered in the new decade by watching Gwen Stefani perform “It’s the End of the World as We Know it” on TV. Fell asleep about 15 minutes later when the world didn’t implode. I was 25 years old, working in non-profit in Pittsburgh, broke as all hell, and usually drunk.

2001: Changed jobs. Made a real salary. Had a life-changing event that I didn’t really deal with until last month. 9/11 changed the world. I started my tradition of working 14-hour days because I supervised/was supervised by morons. Met Tiff, who did more work and had more ideas (in her part-time role on my team) than the other (full-time) people on my team combined.

2002: Tiff decided to move to D.C. and while I wasn’t looking to join her at first, I’d had enough of Pittsburgh and Her Royal Pretentiousness (my supervisor) to last me a lifetime. Left the job after 525,600 minutes, down to the second. We settled in Alexandria, Va., and I returned to journalism, which was OK but the $16,000 pay cut really stung.

2003: Fought like hell for (and got) a promotion. Moved into my own apartment. Got appendicitis and fought like hell for doctors to take me seriously. Eventually it exploded and I nearly died. I should have sued INOVA Alexandria while I had the chance. Got a new cat (Kadie). Maddie started crapping all over the house in protest, and never stopped.

2004: Turned 30. Nearly got fired over my blog. Quit before they had the chance to can me. Was approved for unemployment but the bitch in H.R. overrode finance’s decision. “Freelanced” and sold vibrators out of a suitcase. Feeble suicide attempt on Thanksgiving over being broke and miserable. Applied for hundreds of jobs, interviewed for dozens. Ended the year after a very successful 10 hours of interviews with the company I wanted to join.

2005: Started the new job in a new field. Fell in love with it. Moreover, fell in love with the people, and the learning curve wasn’t so painful as it could have been. Started to lose touch with my friends in the “outside” world as I went from not working for five months to putting in 60- to 80-hour weeks.

2006: Got great assignments at work. Traveled extensively. Moved to Rockville, Md. Got a promotion. My grandfather died. Mom moving in with me became imminent.

2007: Launched the biggest project of my career. Gave up my new 1BR apartment for a 2BR. Mom moved in. I found ways to work even-longer hours. Made some new friends but never got to see much of them. Traveled a lot for work, thankfully. A friend, worried about my well-being, invited me to join him at church. I’ve attended Sunday worship services regularly ever since.

2008: Maintained biggest project of my career, plus juggled the full-time job I had on top of it. Burned the candle at both ends. My beloved department got dissolved, the company got reorganized and I got banished from the basement to live with the “upstairs people.” Lived for work-related travel.

2009: Quit my job. Cried every day of the month-long notice that I gave, as I wasn’t just leaving my colleagues but my friends and family at work. Moved with Mom to a beach town. Started a new job. Turned 35. Maddie died. Moved again; put Mom in her own apartment. Boarded the psychotropic hayride. Got some of my sanity back.

2010: To be continued. …