Vehicular manslaughter averted. For now

March 30th, 2010, 8:01 AM by Goddess

This blog entry exists solely for me to work out some mental aggression. This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds.

Today has clearly been “your gas pedal must be up your ass, next to your head” day on the highway.

And my foot is about to make it a rollicking threesome for the fuckhead on the moped on the A1A who refused to A) drive above 20 mph and B) kept swerving in and out of the lane but never actually got off the road long enough for any of us to pass him.

So I went onto the big, grown-up highway where there’s more than one lane, but it’s “blue-haired, white-knuckled phantom” day (as is every day that ends in “y”). OMG, it took me a goddamned hour to get to an appointment that should’ve taken 20 minutes, tops.

And don’t get me started on the idiots who do not see that all streets are one-way. Not only are people going up the wrong fucking way, but they do it on the wrong SIDE, too. This ain’t Europe, you morons. Get a clue.

*scream*

All right, I feel MUCH better now. Carry on!



Ze pain, ze pain!

March 28th, 2010, 7:47 AM by Goddess

My brain is jelly. My arms ache. My head is pounding. My ankle wobbles. My knee is screaming. My wrist is sore. My back is crying.

Welcome to the world of being over 35!

Did hard, physical labor yesterday. Which reminds me why I chose an intellectual field. Although the psychological aspect of surviving any workplace can have pretty much the same effect as the maladies listed above. 😉

Anyway, just snapped this photo on my phone and, even though I don’t have time to sit around and watch the sun set, let’s pretend for a moment that I could actually get my ass all the way down to that little beach chair that’s three inches above the ground. Hah!



Generation perpleXed

March 27th, 2010, 5:54 AM by Goddess

I realize that this blog is dead and should have gone away a long time ago. But now, it’s almost become something sentimental. Sure, I have one reader (*waves at Vitamin D*), but even I don’t read it anymore for errors!

Anywho, I got to thinking yesterday as I was having breakfast with a wonderful contact from Nu Yawk, what the hell am I doing? Moreover, what am I NOT?

I feel like I work in an industry where anybody can be a famous expert. And I AM an expert … just not a famous one.

It used to be that age and experience were what qualified you to become a household name. But now, people who were born in the ’80s are considered to be more-wise than ME. And hey, more power to them.

But when it boils right down to it, my knowledge and experience is no less valuable. Plus, I have the benefit of having learned from many masters.

The bulk of people seem to have popped right out of the womb college and, boom, here’s your shot — don’t blow it. *sigh* And it’s a toss-up whether they want to learn from someone more-seasoned or whether they already know everything at 22.

I mean, shit, *I* knew everything at 22. And look how well THAT turned out. Pfft.

So, with the benefit of dozens of years and thousands of miles behind me, what the hell is stopping me from greatness in my own right?

Hmm. Not bloody much, eh?

“She went away, she cut me like a knife
Hello beautiful thing, maybe you could save my life
In just a glance, down here on magic street
Loves a fool’s dance
And I ain’t got much sense, but I still got my feet.”

Bruce Springsteen, “Girls in Their Summer Clothes”



Goddess v.5.0

March 21st, 2010, 8:16 AM by Goddess



Royal Palm Way

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Had a ridiculously busy day yesterday. Stood in line for HOURS to get my passport. Played Skee-Ball on my iPhone till my eyes bled. A 4-year-old boy in front of me SCREAMED during 95% of the waiting time. I told a friend that I hope he gets deported before his trip — miserable little bastard!

Today’s another busy day and I actually have some work to do. Yeah, work on the weekend after my first official week with the new company. Welcome to my world!

I’d almost forgotten how tough it is to be the new kid. Mostly because it takes four hours to do even the smallest task because you don’t know who to call, where to find it, what the password or the secret handshake is, or what resources are in plain sight that your eyes can’t yet see.

I’m being more assertive with my time, though. No more of this “I’ll stay awake till all hours just because I have to.” Screw that crap. I’m old and I need my beauty sleep!

I wouldn’t say that this is a reinvention of the Goddess, but it is an opportunity to kind of do a “greatest hits” album. With a few new bonus tracks. I figure, I’ll sign a deal for a couple of albums, and do my best, and then move on to what I really want to do … whatever that is.

Another different attitude I carry this time is that this isn’t a stopping point. I always throw myself into a job at the expense of not only having a life, but having a career BEYOND where I’ve landed.

And I think that has worn on me in previous lives … that feeling of being “totally committed” ends up as “OMG I’m trapped.” But I’m already planning out the possibilities — nay, the probabilities — and that helps me to keep the present in immense perspective.

If I stay where I am for a long time to come, great. But I’m not there at gunpoint — that’s the point I’m making. I didn’t sell my soul; nor do I plan to.

That’s the gift of both hindsight and experience — sure, I’ll work my ass off to learn and to contribute. But at the end of the day, at the first sign of glass shards in my stomach or the first inclination to avert the gaze of the woman in the mirror, I’m done.

I swear, if I don’t end up as a career coach one of these days, I will have missed my calling. And the neat thing is, I see a million opportunities to change people’s lives — not just in my field (although that’s wonderful, too), but right in my own department.

And I think the stars have aligned such that, if ever there were a perfect time to make history in every respect, this is it.



Recycle, much?

March 18th, 2010, 8:13 PM by Goddess

OK, so I posted this little meme on Facebook, so apologies to those who know the Goddess’ secret identity and read the first version of this already.

While I do have plenty of original thoughts tonight, I’m going to go with re-sharing this thing here.

Some edits were made, naturally. 😉 And some points are better-explained, too.

10 Lessons From a Crazy Year

1. Your friends can and will help you if you let them.

I spent the last year in virtual silence, not wanting to let people know what was really going on. Calls went unreturned … e-mails went unanswered … I just didn’t have the energy for backstories and wondering just who I could trust.

But once I started confiding in my beloveds, not only did my friends continually keep my spirits up, but they threw me multiple lifelines.

Sure, it was what I did once I was back in the land of the living that made all the difference, but I wouldn’t have GOTTEN there without some amazing people who did more to restore me than the world did to eat away at me.

2. More of an addition to No. 1 than a separate lesson: Nothing in your life is acquired solely on your own.

Good people are willing to help you along your journey. The best people don’t accept a payback but do request a “pay it forward.”

We may not achieve world peace, but we’ll make a damn good start.

3. I don’t have to live in a city to be happy.

I’d rather live by the beach and visit a city when I need a cultural fix. Staring at water every day is more cathartic than finding a restaurant that’s open after 8 p.m.

I don’t think SoFla is my ultimate home. That’s partially why I took a job in another town, one to which I can gravitate. It’s not a big, bustling city but it doesn’t have a beach, either. So, I’m taking my time.

But that’s OK — I’m the one calling the shots now. As it should have always been, and as it always WILL be, going forward.

4. Wearing flip-flops and jeans to work is not just a privilege; it should be a right.

I save a half-hour in the mornings where I’m not going through three pairs of pantyhose to find one with the least-conspicuous runs. High heels should only be worn during nights on the town!

5. People will treat you unfairly in life.

It happens. They will not change. Only your level of tolerance can shift.

And before you know it, you’re letting people use your hair to wipe their ass.

Don’t make fun of cultists if you feel too beaten-down to leave a job or relationship that isn’t making you healthier.

6. It’s OK to devote yourself to your career, but…

It’s wonderful to carve your niche into this world. I’ve created a specialized skill set that I am very fortunate to be able to showcase.

But damn it, I’ve busted my butt for a long time — exactly when do you put on the brakes and let yourself enjoy life?

Is it really possible to have it all? Because, while I’m so very happy right now, I want the things I’ve missed out on, too.

This is clearly a lesson I’m still working on. 🙂 Suggestions welcome!

7. Know your priorities, and accept the consequences/reap the rewards.

I got this from a Patrick Lencioni book: It’s OK to allow yourself to watch TV for an hour or two every night … just as long as you acknowledge that this is a priority for you and that it is taking the place of something else that could be enriching your life.

I love my TV time but what if I were out exercising or calling a friend or meeting the person I’m going to marry?

8. There are some very sick individuals out there. Run like hell when you encounter them!

Got this from an old Poe song: “You can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being.” Or as Ron White says, “You can’t fix stupid.” And in my experience, you can die trying.

Some people are just bound to self-destruct. Especially as a woman, I try to “save” people. And can I lose myself in the process.

Moral to the story: You’re not the one who’s nuts/inadequate/insufferable, no matter how hard someone works to convince you otherwise. It’s called projection. Or mirroring. Or schizophrenia. Run away while they are fighting with their various selves.

An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, even if no one lays an actual finger on you. Show them YOUR finger of choice on your way out the door.

9. Sometimes, life just sucks. Deal with it.

Got this from my wonderful friend who originated the idea of this “10 lessons” post: “Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things just happen.”

Shit happens. But so do good things. Which would you rather focus on, and attract more of?

10. It’s OK to lose your shit sometimes. It’s kinda empowering.

Scream, punch, cry, beat up a pillow, sleep with inappropriate people, have a bottle of wine for dinner, tell that crush just why they are stupid not to be in love with you, tell people exactly why they’ve driven you to distraction. You can’t be perfect every minute of every day.

Get (insert emotion) out of your system or it will start affecting your insides. There’s a reason you get (a paltry) three days’ bereavement leave when someone close to you dies — you HAVE to deal with it and not let it eat away at you over time.

We should be able to take funeral leave when we lose a pet, a relationship, or get into a fight with a friend because it’s too easy to shelve the situation and immerse ourselves in work.

Once you fully deal with whatever it is, leave it there and do whatever it takes to never, ever feel that way again.



*blows the dust off her tiara*

March 17th, 2010, 8:52 PM by Goddess

“I need to feel appreciated
Like I’m not hated, oh no
Why can’t you see me through his eyes
It’s too bad — you’re making me dizzy.

According to me,
You’re stupid
You’re useless
You can’t do anything right.”

— “According to You,” Orianthi

When I first heard that song, I didn’t care much for it. But then I ended a dysfunctional relationship, and I went out and bought the extended dance remix.

Today I realized that I could be upset, frustrated, tattered and frayed at the edges. But instead, I’m walking down a red carpet and people are throwing rose petals at me.

Although daylight suits me better than darkness, my new relationship is kinda trippin’ me out. I’m always looking for the hidden slight or steeling myself for the overt omission. And for things to be calm, genuine and positive, well, it catches me off-guard.

It’s all good. Never been better, actually.

One might say I’m downright having a BLAST!!!



Sunny with a chance of fabulous

March 15th, 2010, 6:28 AM by Goddess

Vacation week is over, but thanks to having video on my new iPhone, I get to share my sunshine with those who are calling “above-freezing” temperatures “warm weather.”

Did I mention that I live here? 😉 *big stupid grin*

To the beach…

One minute on the beach…

Another minute on the beach…

Best white noise ever…

Entering West Palm…

Leaving West Palm…



Job fair prom queen

March 12th, 2010, 9:10 AM by Goddess

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

So I haven’t written about Job Hunt 2010 because, well, I didn’t want to get fired.

But now that I fired myself and I’m as gainfully unemployed as it gets, it’s as viable a topic as anything else I’ve blathered on about in this space.

For the uninitiated, I’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid of what we’re calling a corporate “six pack” — a half-dozen viable offers. (The kind that have hard numbers attached to them; this doesn’t include the other conversations of “hey, if you free yourself up, we’ll find something for you.” Which is amazing in and of itself.)

I’ve spent the last seven glorious days whittling them down to a manageable level, and I’m about to do some traveling to really narrow the choice.

And then, last night, out of the blue, I got a call with one more offer.

< channeling The Count > Seven. Seven offers! Ah hah hah ah. < / channeling The Count >

So anyway, when I’m choosing my next adventure something at the top of my list is aesthetics. I don’t mean a lovely building like I worked in back in Rockville, but clean and safe sounds good to me. No roach motel under the desk is a starting point.

I might get myself crossed off other people’s lists for saying this, but I now listen to what the walls are telling me.

Now before we all go writing me off as schizophrenic (or, for those who know me, “normal”), hear me out. When I worked at the Veggie Patch many moons ago (eight years? Lord, I’m old), I felt like the building was crying. My friends and I commented how strange it was for a brand-new building to have dark memories in the walls of offices that were barely even occupied.

Of course, when you get the stories of who had the offices before you, it provides a LOT of clarity. If you’re replacing a crazy person or a slacker or otherwise someone who was not well-regarded, it won’t do anything to change your own work ethic, but it will put a damper on your energy in barely perceptible ways that add up over time.

So, it’s important for me to get a brand-new position and a brand-new computer. And, quite honestly, the air is much of an interviewer/interviewee as the people you’ll be working with.

I’ve taken my fair share of tours in the past few months. I have an interviewing checklist that’s a mile and a half long. And I’ve whittled down the list to a very manageable level based on my criteria.

And I had gotten myself down to two offers last night when the phone rang around 5:30 p.m. Feast or famine, much?

I was kind of proud of myself to get that offer, sight unseen, based on an offer I didn’t take from someone else in the company who liked me enough to want to find a place for me. (Both the one I turned down and the one who called were hoping I’d come on board. And I liked them both enough to want to find a way to get into their space. I don’t walk away lightly from strong leaders.)

But then I remembered a dinner from long ago and two cocktail parties where I ran into the players throughout the years. People who don’t need a resume to decide whether or not to talk to me. People who thought I said interesting things and that I had experience in, and passion about, things that had never occurred to them. People who understand that I don’t fit into any kind of mold and who are willing to work my weird skill set into their grander business plans.

Which is how this is all going down, by the way.

All I had to do was put out some feelers, and the skies opened up and people I’ve met along my path have not only remembered me, but were quite interested in hearing about not just what I’ve done, but what I’ve always wanted to do.

Now, the hardened realist that I’ve become is wary. A good friend recently pointed out that many of our friends can pick the one derelict out of a sea of nice guys, but with me, I have my head on straight when it comes to men but I get all starry-eyed at career opportunities.

I’m the prom queen of the job fair, I guess. 😉

I’ve taken the last week to get my head back on straight — as if I could un-screw myself up in just a seven-day span — and it’s taken a lot of energy to factor out things like location and compensation packages and really, truly figure out who Goddess wants to be … not necessarily when she grows up, but in the next year or so.

The same friend with that great observation had another take on location, that (X city) will always be there when I’m ready to go there. And, from the sounds of it, so will two custom-tailored opportunities that I’ve decided were the right job a year ago, and maybe will be again a year from now, but don’t necessarily fit the Goddess of this moment.

The most mind-blowing thing of all is how many people said, “Stay in Florida. Work from home. Visit us once a month. Take care of your mom. Move here only if and when you’re ready.”

Um, WOW.

When I think about the Rockville job, I fought for it. Hard. I stalked and practically terrorized my supervisor-to-be. I wanted it BAD. And I’m not gonna say it started out as the dream job I had anticipated, but I had free will and used it liberally to custom-make a dream position.

The downside is that I was good — too good — and I couldn’t pursue more-creative avenues when I had three trips to the buffet all on my one plate. I’m not bragging — it’s easy to be considered good at what you do when no one else knows how to do it.

But what I realized when I was gone that my skill set was so specialized that not everyone could understand or appreciate it. And I haven’t been able to tap into it much lately. Which was OK till I realized I missed it very much and that I’m never going to fit in anywhere that I can’t use those skills that make me special.

It’s funny — I’ve had this insane fear of unemployment dating back to around Thanksgiving. I mean, to the point of having emergency happy pills on hand to soothe my frazzled nerves.

Oddly, now that I don’t know when the next paycheck will arrive, I have a very strong sense of peace. Because, I know it’ll come. And I’ll bust my butt to earn it.

And if this wasn’t a sign, I ran out of happy pills on the day I quit needing them. And I don’t see a need for a refill. More than just my bra cups runneth over!

Now, I’m not the type of girl to knock where I’ve been because I know for a fact that it gets me where I’m going. So join me in singing the “Facts of Life” song where “You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have” not the facts of life, but a very clear picture of what works, what doesn’t and how to marry the two to custom-tailor your desired future to your present.

And in that, I think I just made the most-important decision of my life. …



Rockville

March 10th, 2010, 10:27 AM by Goddess

I was just catching up on the metric buttload of blog entries I haven’t read in Bloglines, when this wonderful post by the amazing Amalah took me back to Rockville, Md., for one last spin around the block.

She was the reason I got my awesome job back in Rockville. Actually, she declared me overqualified for her open position, and forwarded my resume to the team that would embrace me with open arms and give me not just a job but an actual career, sense of purpose and, quite honestly, a solid-gold reputation that gets my foot into every door and gets me hired, sight unseen. (Although I think my charm and smarts have something to do with the offers I get. A little bit, anyway!)

Even more magically, the person she did hire to work with her is one of my best friends in the world. And did I mention that the gal she hired just moved down the street from me here in Florida?

It’s funny how the world works. Amazing how a chance meeting ON THE DAY I QUIT my job at the Veggie Patch turned into a job five months later … a career five YEARS later .. and not only gave me a lovely set of colleagues but also a FAMILY with whom I will be in touch (and, frankly, a little bit in love) forever?

When I was leaving Rockville on March 24 of last year, I was sick and sad and questioning every decision I was making. And when I got here and truly tried to be happy, everyone told me I wasn’t and that I should go back. The power of suggestion was, well, powerful. But it’s my family back there who made sure that I felt strong and loved enough to continue making the best life possible for myself.

I’d probably still be there today if I hadn’t made the impulse decision to load the cats into the car and drive 1,000 miles south. Or maybe I’d be somewhere else and heading this way soon enough. In any case, for all the doubts and stress and turmoil I’ve endured during the last 12 months, I’m finally seeing through clear eyes the person I was intended to be.

And I’m damn pleased to meet her.

While home may be where the heart is, you can have pieces of your heart all over the globe. And as I contemplate my next steps, Amy’s entry really reminded me of where I came from, of the people who have loved and supported and helped me to become the person and success that I am, and how those offices on Key West are the reason why I’m a three-hour drive from the REAL Key West.

I’m not running away anymore. Now it’s just a matter of choosing what I’m running toward … and knowing that, far from leaving anyone or anything behind, that I’m taking them with me wherever I go.

So, Amy, thank you for everything. And I do mean everything. …

“At night I drink myself to sleep and pretend
I don’t care that you’re not here with me
‘Cause it’s so much easier to handle
All my problems if I’m too far out to sea.”

— REM, “Don’t Go Back to Rockville”



State of the ‘loon’-ion

March 10th, 2010, 7:19 AM by Goddess



Overseer

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

So I’m on “vacation” this week.

Anyone who’s gotten a peek at my Facebook page might know why, but suffice it to say that the suitors of which I spoke weren’t all necessarily of the dating variety, and I am happily contemplating their offers from my apartment overlooking the ocean.

I also just learned that my favorite apartment in this shithole in the sky has opened up. My friend has moved out and her apartment is amazing. I am thinking about asking the landlady to let me move in, but that means moving my stuff and also signing another lease in this godforsaken place. That is, if I even stay in the area, since my opportunities are as far-flung as the shreds of my sanity.

And I say all of this while swooning over a boy I met who doesn’t exactly live around here. Which is perfect. I decided to turn down his job offer since I’d no doubt be trying to hump his leg at every available opportunity.

But that’s not to say that I won’t marry him someday. In fact, I’m putting that on my “to do” list — marrying him, not humping his leg, of course! He can live there, he can visit me here, we can rent lovely hotel rooms on the beach and I can have my freedom. 😉

Things are finally, finally falling into place. I wish I could restart the clock and pretend that all the lost time in my life never happened. But as I said in the blog entry I linked, it’s what I take out of those yesterdays that gets me through today.

I’m not just on the cusp of happy. I AM happy.