Caterwauling

City Sky from CityPlace

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

I feel like I need to blog. I don’t know why. There’s nothing I can type aloud. And yet, here I am.

My trip to Baltimore/D.C. has resulted in a lot of lingering thoughts. Far from closing any doors (which was never my intention anyway), it opened so many more.

I would never claim to be settled in my career, but I’m happy. Well, like a friend pointed out, anything seems better in comparison to a Thai brothel, so there you have it. 🙂 I’m trying hard not to get to the overworked state with which I am altogether too familiar. Because it’s too damn easy to get there.

So, I keep my energy and my hours in check, and while I stress out that some shit should have been done a long time ago, I acknowledge that I have the same hours in the day as everyone else. And if it ain’t life-or-death, don’t treat it as though it were.

I remember hauling ass and working seven days a week for five months. No church or Weight Watchers meetings. Nothing for me. And I did it, you know? These days, I look back and wonder FOR WHAT? (Think “tree falling in the forest.”)

I killed myself trying to be perfect and productive for someone who could give a shit less about my well-being. I got criticized at every available opportunity. For nothing and by nobody. And my commitment was rewarded with distrust and disregard.

To quote a wonderful Lucy Woodward song, “Something like this only happens to dumb girls.”

Relationships, well, were never my weakness nor my strong point. Another friend once said that witnessing my career has been like watching me pick one loser after another.

I always figured I’d be divorced by now; I can certainly say that leaving a certain job was pretty much the equivalent of dissolving a partnership and having nothing … not even anger or hatred … left. We should have lived together before we got married. The end. Take back the ring — it was probably cubic zirconia anyway.

But yeah, onto matters of the heart, there were some doors opened up north. Maybe even re-opened.

I had Tweeted something along the lines of spending an evening with someone I loved with all my heart, a long time ago, and then having an encounter with someone with whom I could very well spend the rest of my life.

I’ve since been in contact with both. Both are heading my way at some point in the next couple of months.

Nature will take its course here. It always does. It’s impossible to meet people near my age in South Florida, so if my fate is to be entangled with people from Maryland, so be it!

Speaking of city folk, I got my new iPad on Friday. It’s the 3G, so that was when it shipped. (i’ve had this thing on pre-order for what feels like FOREVER.) I haven’t gotten the 3G service yet, but it’s good to have the option.

Anyway, when I got my first iPhone, I’d say five out of six of my friends had one. Technology was nothing new among our group of friends. I was the oldest and yet the poorest, but my money (what little was left over) was earmarked for technology.

Down here in Florida, I have better luck with AT&T (fewer dropped calls. Note I said ‘fewer’, not ‘never’). That’s because nobody down here has a clue about technology. Hence, I’m the only iPad owner in Palm Beach County. And, quite possibly, Martin and Broward counties.

No big deal, really. I just took my iPad to Sunfest (the accompanying photo is from the closing fireworks display) and the girl who was searching my bag lost her shit and was thrilled to be able to touch ‘one of those iPad thingies.’

I enjoyed the attention, but marveled at how different things are in the city, where I was keeping up with the Joneses. And now, I AM the Joneses! Or Jones. Or what the hell ever.

Exhaustion is kicking in. I have some work to finish up tonight, but I’m not even going to bother. It’s nothing personal toward the job; I just don’t have any more productive hours left in me today.

I look forward to falling asleep and, perchance, of dreaming of the possibilities that not only lie ahead, but might be enough to make me backtrack … both in time and perhaps in geography.

Kadie’s corner

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

“Every now and then I’d swear
I see you standing
On a sidewalk,
In a restaurant,
From a taxi passing by.”

— Better Than Ezra, “Under You”

It’s that time of year again, where I go through my MP3 collection to see what I already own and what I need to buy from Sunfest artists. 🙂

Better Than Ezra put on a kickass show. So did Sister Hazel, whom I last saw in the booming metropolis of Gaithersbug, Md., and I’m so glad that they are playing in a real venue (and not the bandshell behind City Hall).

There was a moment yesterday when Sister Hazel was playing “Champagne High,” one of my favorite songs in the world. My breath caught in my throat when I heard, “Our story’s completed; mine, it’s a long way from done.”

Boy, if yesterday wasn’t the day to hear that line, I don’t know when would be more appropriate. (cryptic reference to that particular day)

And even though I’ve only thought of that person in passing — and fondly, every time — it occurred to me that a big chapter of my life closed yesterday.

And that there are a million blank pages ahead of me to fill.

Yoda moment here aside, I had my first “get off of my lawn” moment last night.

I had staked out a sweet spot at the front of the stage an hour and a half before Shinedown performed. And then, just as the music started, some bunch of drunken assholes darted in front of me and proceeded to dance and bounce and chest-thump like fucking fools.

I get that they’re fans. So am I. I don’t need to jump on people’s feet and elbow their boobs and HIT THEM ON THE HEAD.

I tried to stand still. I wasn’t leaving because these kids (one in particular) were obnoxious. As long as my purse containing my precious new iPad 3G wasn’t touched, I was cool. 😉

The band made us greet each other, like we were in church or something. Immediately, the biggest offender — shirtless and sweaty and smelly — goes to hug me. I said no thanks. He KNEW he was pissing me off, and that proved it.

I cordially invited him to die in a fire, the next time he knocked me over. And five songs into the set, I left and went to hang out with the Charlie Daniels Band crowd.

I felt old. I mean, nobody needs to be jostled around by some inconsiderate fool. But I used to be able to hang, you know? Younger Goddess would have been able to jump up and down just as much as him. Can’t beat ’em, join ’em … and all that crap. Now it’s like, yo, let’s go hang with the old folks so I can feel young again. 😉

Oh, and it was worth it. Charlie Daniels did a Johnny Cash cover and I was in heaven!

Totally blew my diet yesterday, while I was at it. I did well at the show. Mostly lived on fruit smoothies, so that was ‘mostly’ healthy. But then I came home to see that the Over-Extended Houseguest had left my weakness — big, soft chocolate-chip cookies — on my stove.

I have begged her for years not to spend my money on bad food for me. And yet, she does it religiously. And I lasted until 3 a.m. before acting like a kid at fat camp and NOM NOM NOM-ing cookay in a half-asleep state.

If I can walk away from a concert I wanted to see, why not from a cookay I wanted to eat? Damn it. FAIL.