Caterwauling

Good morning

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Greetings from an undisclosed location somewhere in South Florida. The photo is from the balcony — there’s an ocean back there but the morning is too bright (or the iPhone camera is too low-megapixel) to show it.

I spent yesterday giddier than an orgy participant in a roomful of naked, sweaty bodies and a neverending supply of Ecstasy. Why? Because I got the keys to my freedom … literally.

While a dear friend is traveling, I’m crashing at her place. So last night — after spending the day doing nothing but daydreaming about the absolute silence and calm I was about to enjoy — I went to my favorite Italian restaurant to buy a metric assload of my favorite pasta. I accompanied it with the wine we’d started drinking Thursday night. And I texted with my favorite person.

And did not a damn thing else.

The Ultra Extra Over Extended Houseguest texted that she missed me. I don’t know why. I mean, really. I go home and lock myself in my bedroom … exactly the way I did when I was counting down to my 18th birthday when I could get the hell away from what I called the Manson Family.

I’m not sure how to spend the next 48 hours. I actually forgot a lot of stuff at home. I literally packed nothing but a bathing suit, beach towel, sunscreen, PJs, a sundress and a toothbrush.

But see, that’s the glory of not having anyone nestled up your ass. I really don’t need much. When I don’t have someone who’s financially and emotionally needy, not only do I not need my medication (which is one of the things I forgot at home), I don’t need to be out shopping both to be alone as well as to find a new toy to reward myself for another week that I haven’t inflicted physical harm on someone else or myself.

So, if nobody hears from me for the next 48 hours, just know that I’m happy. I’ve consumed said metric assload of pasta and can’t really move from the couch right now. I should have probably eaten healthily since I can’t do that at home. But if I’m gonna be bad, I’m doing it on my own terms. And damn, that feels good. …

Chillin’

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Talked to one of my favorite people tonight (not pictured) from one of my favorite spots on earth (pictured).

I had a couple of odd moments when two kids, about ages 4 and 3, approached me to talk. I was on the phone but I did chat with them. The little girl, the younger of the two (the boy was older — he came over to me first with a ball he was playing with), asked me for a hug. She told me all about her friend and her brother.

I mused to my friend how I have a force field around me when it comes to kids. That my boys marvel that I made it to 36 without having any of my own. And my friend said kids can sense “big kids” and they can pick someone out of a crowd who has no interest in kids.

And damn it, they were cute.

And it wasn’t lost on me that, just 10 minutes earlier, my friend was saying how he thinks kids are in his future. I, of course, was all “fuck that” for me.

OK, universe. Not sure what THAT was all about!

In any case, I don’t know what to say right now about, well, much of anything. So I will say nothing. And pray that all’s well that ends well, or some shit like that.

I escape into my mind a lot more than usual. I guess that’s good. I used to immerse myself in work. That doesn’t happen much anymore. In fact, I almost got the stirrings of a solution for a “problem” I created awhile back for one of my book characters.

I didn’t write it down. But that’s OK. That I even thought about my long-since-abandoned book series was enough of a breakthrough for me.

I may not be closer to making a living as a novelist, but with the novelty wearing off of other areas of my life, it’s good to know that my creativity hasn’t committed suicide entirely.

I’m tired. And the one part of my life that never goes well seems to be the only thing giving me hope.

Hell, I’ll take it any way I can get it. And I’ll enjoy the change of pace. I’ve never been one to turn down a new experience!