Caterwauling

My beloved Lady L came over today to help me build my dining room set.

It took three hours for us to build the baker’s rack, so we gave up after that and headed out to City Pizza.

You know, back in the day we all helped each other move. Now that we’re grown-ups, we just help each other pack and/or build furniture. And holy shit, we’re still sore!

My asshole mother was here. I had just had a fight with her before Lady L arrived. She asked if she could help and, remembering yesterday’s e-mail, I said she might get tainted by my un-Christian-like-ness, so no thanks.

So she starts insulting me again. I shut her up. She said, “Oh, I see how it is. You can dish it out but you can’t take it.”

I said I can take it when it’s TRUE. And that I haven’t BEGUN to start in on her yet. So there’s the door and I strongly SUGGEST you walk through it.

So when Lady L came, the UEOEH was wandering in and out of the room. And on and off the balcony, using one of the doors in MY BEDROOM.

While I was freshening up before we headed to CityPlace, the UEOEH told Lady L TWICE how “mean” I am to her.

Uh, if you’d seen what the bitch wrote about Lady L in yesterday’s e-mail, it’s a wonder the old lady didn’t get slugged.

And furthermore, how DARE she put me down to my friend!!!

Lady L reported that the UEOEH said she misses her friends back in Pittsburgh. And that she respects how Lady L “does what she has to do” and puts herself first with her job and travels and essentially puts her own needs first.

O RLY? God forbid I ask the bitch to leave the house for a day, and I I’m selfish and MEAN.

I’m done. I’m SO done. I wish I had a sibling to ship her to. I wish SHE had a sibling I can ship her to.

I brought her home a pizza. She’s locked up in her room, probably bitching to her friends about me. I will eat the pizza, then. Fuck her.

God, I’m sorry I failed You on this one. I give up. I can’t take it anymore. I have to give this problem back to You. Her apathy and delusions are no match for me. I’m good but apparently not as good as You thought.

Still praying for a solution.

O Hai!

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

So, the UEOEH sent me the nastiest e-mail yesterday. In response to my polite request to send a postcard from the cross so I could see the view, she went CRAZY.

She told me that I have no business calling myself a Christian when I haven’t mastered basic kindness. And that she knows I only went to church because I was hot for the pastor and for that married guy I liked to sit with.

And that she only went with me because we always went to lunch afterward. She would eat just a portion of it, and then have food for the rest of the week because I don’t feed her.

Wow. Venomous, much?

For the record, Lady L and I go to church every week. She said she can attest to the fact that I am not there to slobber all over the pastor. And for the record, the guy I sat with all the time? When I Googled him and found via Facebook that he’s married with spawn, I QUIT GOING to the 11 a.m. services.

OMG, what a cunt.

I’ll spare you the rest of the vitriol she spewed toward me, but let’s just say that SHE’S the saint for living with ME.

Same cunt stole my last roll of toilet paper. I have not a square to spare, and not a roll left under the sink because, as usual, she takes and takes and takes till there’s nothing left.

True to UEOEH form, though, she offered to cook Thanksgiving dinner before she leaves because she “wants to feel included, even though (she’s) not wanted.”

As she noted snidely, “Since you don’t cook.”

She also graciously said that she will gladly go wherever I put her. In other words, once again it is on me to solve the fucking problem. I hate her SO much. Because, of course, guess who has to arrange it and pay for it?

She said that I can go back to my so-called life that basically sucks but if I think I’m missing out on something, far be it from her to keep me from it. And that I can “parade (my) derelicts through” to my heart’s content.

Keep supporting my case, bitch.

So this morning she’s being nice and asking me all sorts of stupid questions. I can’t even look at her. Because this is EXACTLY what happens. We have a blowout; her memory gets erased; and things go back to “normal.”

I’m not like her in that respect. I’m good and mad. I want change. I just don’t know how to reply to all of that.

I mean, I’m helpless here. I know she looks to me to solve all her problems. And I guess I’m looking around, too, like, “Do you people hear this shit? Halp?”

And I guess that makes me as utterly useless as she is. Sigh.