I made the mistake of going to the animal shelter yesterday. I am on a very casual quest for a canine companion. But the dog selection was sparse and I was drawn to the “Cattery,” as they call it.
OMG, I almost came home with six new pets.
There’s one in particular that I can’t get out of my mind. She’s a 2-year-old Calico — just like my beloved Maddie. I have photos of every pet I loved, and a dozen of her alone. (Pictured: A very lovable kitty who was desperate to be adopted. He was a little too energetic for me but I loved him, too.)
I have a cousin who is nervous that I went to the shelter to look into dropping Kadie off if I don’t get a job soon. So I guess it would be stupid to bring home a new pet when many of the dozens there were dropped off by owners who could no longer afford to keep them.
Sigh. What a horrible world.
More horrible still is that this is one of those places that kills pets that are there too long. There was a section for feral cats — each one cuter than the next — with a big “Not for Adoption” sign.
That’s the green mile for kitties, I guess. And since I inadvertently ushered a kitty to his sad little grave by sending him there, I wouldn’t mind saving another from certain death.
I’m so sad that I can’t save them all. That I’m really not in a position to save *any* of them. And that I’ll be lucky to keep the one I already have.
I’m not down in the dumps, per se, over the sad state of my life. I always try to stay positive because good attracts good. As soon as someone says something full of doom and gloom, it materializes. So I say things like I’m fine, it’ll get better and we won’t be living on the beach because the rent’s too high.
And I really try not to think about how much cheaper life would be if I weren’t supporting two humans. Because, really, aren’t we all in some sort of relationship that we didn’t ask for?
How many men got some poor girl knocked up … or some dumb girl got stuck with a man who seemed OK till she got knocked up by him … or someone sold their soul to their employer for the pension and not the spiritual fulfillment? How many couples have kids and parents to take care of … even long after the kids are in their 20s?
I figure, I never had kids or a deadbeat (ex) husband. Most of my family is dead. I have no in-laws to complain about. Shit, I have no bosses to complain about either. 😉 It’s like I hit the karmic lottery!
But, alas, the universe has to find innovative ways to torture me, to make sure I have my share. And when a job is the only thing it can take away from you, well apparently that’s what it does. And not even a job — no job is THAT great — it’s the INCOME loss that blows.
But that’s “all” it is, if I can be so brazen. It’s “security,” whatever the fuck THAT is. No one can take away my pride, my dreams, my integrity, my ethics. Christ, no. My temporary sanity, yes. And my apartment, maybe. But that’s it. I won’t surrender anything else.
But not to be “Miss Brightside” here, but the universe (and those who are currently in position to be masters of it) can also take away your stress. I’m not saying I don’t have my share. But by taking away my security, my stress also decreased. It’s hard as hell to make other people’s dreams come true. Sometimes, you just can’t. Even if you thought you could and actually WANTED to at some point.
Anyway, I guess I can see how people become “crazy cat ladies.” There’s no love out there in the world. But inside an animal shelter in the center of Florida, there are cages upon cages full of quirky little personalities — ready to love anyone who gives them the time of day.
My little Calico friend, my God. She was licking me and petting me through her cage. She kept touching her nose to mine and looking for me every time I visited another kitty. Every time I came back to her, she looked so joyful.
She cried when I left. I cried a little more than she did as I drove home.
Everyone keeps telling me to not get another cat, because I wanted a dog. And to not get a dog until I have an income again. But trying to get to sleep at night knowing that these loving and healthy cats are waiting for their owners — or, at least, their NEW owners — to come for them and that they’re going to go to kitty heaven otherwise, well, breaks my little heart.
Same goes with perfectly wonderful discarded workers. We just want a home. One that feeds us would be nice. Hell, we’ll just take a roof over our heads. Although it’s sad to say that euthanasia would be kinder than ending up on the streets. Hmmm. Wonder if I can schedule an appointment at the vet if I don’t get a job soon. …