Caterwauling

Another great day in Orlando here. Not just with the family, but now with even more members!

I was talking to a friend who is also a leadership and management nut. I mentioned to him a conversation I had awhile back with someone else, in which I nodded to the fact that everyone has past supervisors and jobs — parts of which they carry with them into their next endeavor (good or bad). I told him how I was scoffed at for a theory when I am living proof of it.

He agreed with me (of course) and saidi it is all about triggers. How a former colleague of mine used to drive him batshit and yet all he could do was squelch it to keep a precarious peace. But when one of us, say, tried to give him constructive criticism, it was a trigger that unleashed all his frustration at the fact that there was no having a reasonable discussion with the impoossible colleague.

This good guy was the only person who ever made me cry. And he made one other gal cry, too. Now, he was awesome and always apologized within 30 seconds. That’s because he was able to identify the trigger and undo the damage that, in his mind, he was inflicting on the original source of his headaches.

He hasn’t launched a tirade on anyone ever since.

I was telling him about a supervisor I had for only a couple of months. The guy was ineffective at supervision but damn he was an idea guy, through and through. And I figured I could withstand any bumps in the supervisory process to take advantage of what I would learn from him about the creative process.

He reminded me of a mutual friend who is, incidentally, driving me nuts via text message right now. He was just like that wacky supervisor — he was an executive with no staff for a very long time. Because his company knew how goddamn bright he was and that he was meant to be a different kind of leader.

Imagine, a company allowing people to be themselves in order to get the best out of them.

Don’t get me wrong — those of us who worked indirectly for him had to find new and innovative ways to manage the madman. We just had to have a high pain threshold and the ability to hunt him down and beat the creativity out of him on a regular basis. We made it work. Went crazy in the process, but it’s all about hiring the right people for the right role.

In any case, I lamented only having a short amount of time with the guy I was looking forward to learning from. My friend said it was yet another classic case of HIS management trying to fit a box he was never made to fit in. I thought about our mutual friend and said, you know, these are the million-dollar-idea guys. Even if they come up with just one solid idea a year, it pays for everyone’s salaries.

Now you can’t leave them alone for too long or else they won’t share more than that one great idea. But man, the fun we had trying to mine for those ideas, you know? You never knew what was going to, oh, trigger their brilliance. But it sure wasn’t locking them in meetings and making them implement processes and construct spreadsheets. It was sending people like after them with a gun, a bottle of wine, the promise of hookers and blow, and a pen and paper to record the inevitable burst of genius.

God I miss that job sometimes. 🙂

Now, I am very glad for all the work I went on to do. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the work I did before and the people who can do it. That isn’t a skill anyone can teach you, nor is it something you can do forever. It’s kind of like being in the war — some people can do the military career thing; some of us can go on to be generals and deploy our squadrons into those minefields, and others need to go the civilian route and get out of the clown posse. (Yay mixed metaphors.)

I type all of this to say that I am trying to track down my beloved madman once again, to get caught up in the circus on a part-time contract basis. I can’t devote any more time or energy to it even if the full-time pay were there. But I will tell you this — he kept life interesting. And nothing bores me more than jumping in the same wheel every day and pedaling till I get dizzy.

I am looking forward to my new life. It is going to be nuts and frustrating and busy and it won’t pay nearly what I am worth at first. But damn it, I am going to have fun. Mostly, I am glad that I don’t haver to apologize any more for doing what I do best and have the most fun with.

The band is coming back together. And I will say it till I am dead — who you are working with is more important than what you do. We all have our secrets and we all trust each other with our lives. I would die for these people. And I know they’d do anything humanly possible for me.

That’s the thing about triggers. They can make you crazy and cause you to act unreasonably. But with the right people in the right situations, they can make you fight fiercely to keep the team alive, intact and moving forward. I am just sorry no one else ever recognized that quality in me, and sorrier still that any attempts to recreate that loyalty ground to a halt just as things were getting good.

Oh well. Can’t win them all. Just have to re-enlist and try to make the old magic work again in a new era. I can’t wait to do it all again — better, this time around.

Reporting live from Downtown Disney tonight. Woo!

I am having such a good time at the Money Show. The trip was off to an auspicious start, what with Priceline’s sense of humor when it comes to a “three-star resort.” That and the having to leave the hot tub because one of the hotel employees would not leave me the hell alone as I tried to soak was not the best omen. And don’t get me started about what happens when you miss your turn onto International Drive and instead turn onto World Center Drive. (Hint: Add an extra half-hour to your commute in the rain.)

Things perked up (ahem) when I got my standard booty call request. I didn’t succumb to the weakness this time around, but it made me feel good to still be on speed-dial. 🙂

I did my usual networking today. It was fun to commiserate with those who made, shall we say, a similar career move to me and how the rumors are true about other companies.

I saw one of our old leaders at the company I loved. He gave me a huge hug and asked how I’m doing. I said I am great — no complaints. He laughed hysterically and asked whether I’d gotten a personality transplant.

I laughed because I never expected that to come out of his mouth. But my friends were offended. And we all concluded very easily that the reason I have no complaints is that I have no bosses to deal with anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t love not knowing where the next rent payment is coming from. But everyone says I look serene, tan and happy. That Florida seems to agree with me. That the smoking ball of stress they used to know — the overachiever who was annoyed at how no one else “got it” — has never been calmer.

Being around “family” is also awesome because everyone is like, wait, you are unemployed? You who kicked ass? How stupid are the people in this world? I didn’t have to say a bad word to or about anyone. I don’t want to. But I’m not above agreeing with my friends when THEY say it. 😉

I had a great conversation with an old friend about all the things I’ve learned since I’ve been gone. He and I always worked well together, but he said, “Our Goddess grew up on us.” I liked that. I had to go away to get smarter and stronger. I would never have been as well-rounded without all the experiences I’ve had so far.

He works for himself. He said you get to a point in life where you just can’t deal with the same old stuff. We both worked for the best boss on earth and he agreed when I said he set the bar impossibly high for everyone else who would follow.

My friend said I seem to have gotten to that point, and that I am wasting my time if I keep trying to get jobs as a subordinate. Of course, I will take anything that pays the bills at this point, but there is a whole lot of truth in what he said. If I am not in a situation where I am in charge and allowed to do whatever comes naturally, I am never going to be fully functional.

Anyway, I didn’t find my dream job today. But I got lots of hugs and compliments and learned lots of stuff from some of the smartest people I know, respect and love.

Orlando always marks a turning point in my life. Two years ago, I got a job offer that brought me to Florida. Last year, as I was trying desperately to leave that job, my family built up the self-esteem that had taken such a beating … that they wanted me back reminded me of my value. And here I am again, searching for whomever I am going to be next.

Maybe this time, I will finally be myself. I just hope that when next year at this time rolls around, I will still be a happy and tanned Floridian, but one with her dream job who can inspire the younger generation that if I can do it, so can they. And maybe the older generation that hasn’t yet had the balls to break out and fly, too. 😉

Um, yes: Are the People in Your Organization too Smart to be Creative?

I love the term “innovation agenda.” When people talk about solving the leadership crisis, that’s the answer. Unfortunately, even though it’s in neon lights and flashing Morse code to “Implement me!”, most people cover their eyes and sing, “La la LA!”

Oddly, “innovation” is a word with many definitions. Colloquially, of course, if not in the dictionary. I figure it should be regaled to the likes of Urban Dictionary or, better, File 13. Most folks seem to qualify it depending on the source of said innovating. You can quantify an idea if you bother to test it. You can disqualify an idea based on whether or not you want to see the person succeed who suggested it.

I always come back to the fact that Walt Disney was fired as a journalist for “not having enough ideas.” God, if we could all build our own Disney Worlds with just the contents of our heads, imagine how colorful this world could be.

Now, I can understand not wanting to stray too far from the status quo when money is tight, a skeleton crew is in charge of the ship and everything hinges on the next idea NOT being a total flop.

On the other hand, the tried-and-true tactics are falling flat these days. Customers aren’t idiots. They may not have long memories, but they know what hasn’t worked for them in the past. They know when you’re putting lipstick on a piggy. I would think they’d respect a little originality in a sea of everything looking the same. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

Oh, right. A commercial like Groupon’s Super Bowl ad. But perhaps that’s too extreme a case — just because their legal department approved it, didn’t make it tasteful. And when you spend your life trying to get your legal eagles to approve shit, it’s easy to take the path of least resistance. But imagine getting something GOOD past them … and it doing WELL … and then YOU become the trendsetter that everyone else wants to rip off.

Imagine, indeed.

What the hell do I know. …

I picked my last three jobs based on what I clearly saw as authenticity on the part of the interviewers. That they cussed and said crazy things without much of a filter and, ultimately, spoke with such a passion that I could not help getting caught up in it. It made me want to be on what surely looked to be a winning team where voices were heard and respected.

I picked this way because the prior job was chosen out of sheer desperation. I was high on X and pot during my interview, and I still thought they were a bunch of pussies. I drove back to Pittsburgh from D.C. and thought, I’d rather die than work with those assholes.

Then I got publicly excoriated by my chief asshole at my then-employer, and suddenly the new job offer at half the salary in a more-expensive city suddenly seemed laced with ribbons and lace and ketamine. Whee!

Two out of the three subsequent jobs didn’t work out. I’m not mad — all’s well that ends well. I met the people and got the skills I needed to get out of those moves. While I have lists of things I wish I had been able to accomplish, I am OK with what I did manage to do/learn in the time frame I was given.

I just got off the phone with a friend from one of those jobs. And I told her all about the article I read today on how Authentic Leadership Can Be Bad Leadership.

We recalled being starry-eyed and dazzled by our interviewer, who was just “so real!” in everything that came out of their mouth. The dreams and plans and promises seemed to come from a very pure place. Little did we know that we were simply caught up in what was to be a tangled web of deception … one where our very friendship was threatened by very divisive moves and strategically placed comments that sounded innocent enough.

My friend said today that had we not been friends for six years prior to that, we would have stopped speaking to each other with all the nasty bugs put into our ears about each other.

And that makes me sad, the collateral damage that such “authentic” leadership caused. As the article points out, you can be authentic all you want. Just don’t be an asshole.

It’s important to realize that what makes you you is not just the good stuff — your values, aspirations and dreams; the qualities others love most. For most people, what comes naturally can also get pretty nasty. When you are overly critical, non-communicative, crass, judgmental, or rigid, you are probably at your most real — but you are not at your best.

Given the broad audience that reads this blog, I always feel compelled to add the disclaimer that I am guilty of it, too. I don’t write about stuff that I don’t ponder for hours on end, wondering how to prevent it and/or whether I negatively impacted someone’s career because of it.

For me, I think being too flexible has always been my kryptonite. I don’t think I ever (purposely) let anyone walk all over me. I probably give too many chances as opposed to too few. But you never know what’s going to be the thing that gets through to the employee, you know? Everyone has to come to their own paths and conclusions themselves. Lord knows you stare in the same mirror every day for years on end — and you can hold up a mirror to someone else till your arms get tired. But they aren’t going to see their faults or potential in your time frame — it’s almost always on theirs. And you just have to determine whether you can hang in there or help them to move on to their next place in life.

And that’s where leadership is sorely lacking in general — helping people to move on. Saying, hey, this relationship isn’t working out. Let’s figure out where you’d be good, whether elsewhere in the company, elsewhere in the field, or somewhere else altogether. I’d rather help someone move on to the right thing than punish them for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I like to think I come from a pure place, most of the time. But that article really hit me over the head that just because we think it, doesn’t make it true. And that we all have a sense of the world and operate with in it accordingly. But in reality, there are solar systems clashing in offices every minute of every day around the world.

The article recommends that you ask your trusted people about your flaws in leading authentically. I assume most would ask the person who thinks they fart sunshine. 🙂 Or, at least, they would ask in such a way that you wouldn’t dare be truthful, lest you want to be on the unemployment line faster than you can say “Judgy Wudgy Was a Bear.”

I remember doing anonymous CEO reviews at that first job in D.C. We sent our feedback straight to the president, who was truly an unbiased and awesome kind of guy. But I never really felt that we got the full story — I know I was honest in my write-up.

I felt so happy for a while that I could provide constructive feedback that would help us to work together better. (I worked very closely with him.) But in the end, he was the same old, “My way or the highway” type. And for me, the highway was the Motordrome Speedway.

It calls to mind the saying: “Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.” For those of us who were ever put down or written off — or, worse, wrote someone off before their time — we should live by the credo: “Lord, help me to be as awesome as I know I can be.” And if we’re doing it right, we’ll get all the validation we need from the people who benefit from it.

Be my valentine

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Oh, what a night.

So, mah Stillers didn’t win the Super Bowl. It was a great game and really close. But the Fudge Packers won and I’m sure Ben Roethlisberger’s karma had something to do with it. Of course, he is but one cog in a mighty team, so let’s just say it was Green Bay’s turn to win the championship.

Yeah, whatever. Damn it! Damn it all to hell!

Last time the Steelers played (and won!) in the Super Bowl, I think I made out with half the single men in Washington, D.C. I even ended up becoming friends with one of them. Ah, those were the days.

Anyway, JUST as I was lamenting my lack of male attention tonight, voila! One appeared.

See, smoking is not only hazardous to your physical health. When you step outside for a smoke, men can and will prey upon you and threaten your mental health, too. Yay, me.

He seemed fairly normal. Perhaps a little old for me, but you know what they say about beggars and choosers. He works in my field and it was nice to have a reasonably intelligent conversation about shit I know while our favorite team fought to make its comeback in the fourth quarter.

I left to go back to my friend — incidentally, a gal and I who haven’t seen each other since high school connected, which was a lot of fun — and I tried to slip out another exit because he was waiting for me. Aha, he’s a smart one. I had tried to go the long way around to my car, but DAMN IT, I walked right past his. I swear, he had to have radar on me because I thought I was being all sly and shit.

I’d had a nice buzz, but of course I had to sober my ass up right-quick so I could keep myself out of trouble and/or danger.

It was … weird. He had used the word, and when I left, I said thanks for a very weird conversation. He took offense to it, and I pointed out, “Your word, not mine.” (Thank you, instant sobriety.)

I’ll skip the details, but suffice it to say that it’s usually always this way. Someone seems normal enough, and then the red flag shoots up and all I want to do is run for the hills.

The problem was, I had given him my number when he seemed reasonably sane and nearly interesting. That time period was, unfortunately, finite. DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!!!!!

I had met someone in Key West last time I was there. More like he beelined to my side and NEVER LEFT. And since Mom was intent on cock-blocking, I had to miraculously vanish from there too. But he wasn’t such a wily one. That was an easy escape. Thank God. 🙂

This one tonight kept paying me compliments. I thanked him for nearly all of them, but I rolled my eyes at the last half-dozen. He asked if I were just one of those women who thinks they’re not worth anything.

I said hardly — I pointed out that I am quite secure in myself and really don’t need external validation. I know that I rule. 😉

Mentally, though, I was calculating how I should react to a man with, oh, a job. Like when I was in Key West, right after my ass had just been introduced to the door, I figured here was a guy with a job and a condo in New York. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

Alas, I have to put myself back into my pre-job-loss shoes. Would I date him if I were at 100%-confidence levels? Probably not. Would I sleep with him? Nope. Not a spark in sight. Not even close.

I meant what I said, that I am the opposite of insecure. I fall into conversation easily. I know I am a catch. Maybe I don’t feel like much of one right now, what with my life so out-of-sorts. But this, too, shall pass. And I’ve settled for far too much in my life — I ain’t settling when it comes to a man. That’s for damn sure.

Perhaps he’s not as weird and creepy as he ultimately came across. I doubt it, though. My instincts are usually right the second time around.

In any case, whee there’s another number I get to ignore!

Southernmost gift shop

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

An often-overlooked source of both success and failure in the workplace is the buddy system.

Pretty much everywhere I’ve been, people team up with one solid confidante. Even though you may get along with everyone, it’s usually to your benefit to choose one solid ally to whom you can rant and with whom you can brainstorm.

I’ve been a fan of strategic alliances all across the board. I’ve always had a friend in accounting, who can speed up a contractor’s check so I can get more work out of them. 🙂 A friend in H.R. is always beneficial when you need instant advice or a safe place to bang your head off a wall. And it never hurts to bring chocolates and wine to your favorite Web/graphic designer(s) on their toughest days because your request can magically get moved to the top of the mountainous pile when you need it.

I would never say that my true friendships were based on such strategery. But many were born from it. Humanity recognizes humanity. I’ll drop everything to help anyone. But I’ll do it very cheerfully if it’s someone whom I know has my back, too.

But I’ve seen some other alliances cropping up over the years. People who would never otherwise have a reason to collaborate are seen outside the restroom or going to lunch together — people you’d never think had anything in common. For the most part, I think it’s healthy. Or maybe it’s their attempt to forge a healthy relationship where there are otherwise none.

I’ve watched this dynamic play out time and again. If someone’s getting thrown under the bus in a meeting, someone else will speak up and try to pull them out. (No small feat.) Or someone will plant a compliment in the “right” ear that the other person doesn’t have direct access to. These people otherwise keep their nose to the grindstone and don’t say a word to anyone else.

You have to be careful of such alliances. If you say something to person A, you can assume it will be in person B’s hands before you know it. Which is why it’s usually best to show everyone the same face at all times.

I had lots of those alliances in my younger, non-management days. That things may suck overall but your BFF makes things tolerable, even bearable. Of course, when your BFF leaves, things seem to change. But really, nothing was different — it’s just that your main perk of coming to work has gone away. And no amount of salary or title increase can replace the “safe place” you once had.

I remember in my first real management job (although I always managed people), I was told it’s lonely at the top and to cease all friendships ASAP. Some of those friendships were key strategic alliances. But everyone argued that by my title alone, I should have instant sway.

While I do agree with that (i.e., if the CEO wants something, the IT director better drop everything else on command), when you work someplace long enough, you have a better judgment of priorities. And setting up his new phone to get e-mail may be less urgent than, say, un-hacking the company Web site. Especially if he’ll turn around tomorrow and yell at you for fucking around all day while the Web site was borked. 🙂

(I quit that job nine years ago, but the scars remain. Can haz doll to show you where the bad person touched me?)

Of course, if I was the one who needed my phone looked at, I got instant service. Because I was sweet and awesome and a fun person to take a smoke break with. 🙂 Oh, and I said “thank you” a lot. Apparently that made me unique.

I’m not saying that all alliances were good. That same leader had relatives all through the company, who were instructed to drop everything to spy on the rest of us. And I was unnaturally quiet there. I kept my head down (when I wasn’t with one of my two friends) and I realized that the spies simply made shit up. It’s entertaining to get yelled at for stuff you didn’t do, especially when there’s no convincing anyone that you weren’t even in the office the day that something supposedly happened.

That’s why you need your alliances. For sanity reasons. So you can go outside and cry or grumble and get it the hell out of your system before it poisons the rest of your day.

But alliances suck major ass if you’re not in on them. Especially if they involve one or more people above you. Like I said, that leader had family members everywhere. Any attempt to say hello to any of the spies was reported back to the top as sucking up. And any attempt to avoid getting yourself into trouble by staying out of sight/mind was reported back as being “not a team player.”

I’m not saying all alliances are good. I’m not even claiming that I’ve always chosen correctly. You can’t fly with the eagles when you run with wolves. You can’t have the devil on your shoulder and be seen as an angel. I’ve watched people pick their alliances so poorly, and come to a point where you can’t even tell the two apart anymore. Which is fine if one raises the other to superstar status, but not if one drags the other down to the working-dead level.

And we all need to hitch a ride on a star, as long as we intend to raise our game. Everyone needs a helping hand. I was very pleased this week when a friend spontaneously provided a reference for me to someone I’ve been trying to get in touch with.

Man, did my call get returned quickly after that.

After I thanked (profusely) my buddy, she said everyone needs a helping hand in this world, and she knows I’ll do her proud.

And not only will I pay her back by delivering what she promised I would, but I’ll pay it forward to the next (truly special) person whose sanity and sense of self is contingent upon the right door opening up at the right time.

Dot of color

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

As snowstorms ravage the Midwest, I’m happy that it’s a constant 70-odd degrees here in South Florida. And I hope it stays that way when I roll up to Orlando next week to go see what’s shaking in my field.

So funny that, one year ago, I went to Mickey Mouse’s domain because I was thinking of leaving a job and wanted to see where I should go. Here I am again, this time with no parachute, wondering where I should go. 🙂

I think everybody, self included, thought I’d pull something out of my butt right away. I think that “everybody” must have underestimated how much groundwork one must lay in order to glide out into one’s next opportunity. (It took three solid months last time around. We’re at six weeks and counting this time.)

And this isn’t even counting the half-dozen times I’ve heard, “You’re overqualified.” When the hell has a company ever cared about that, I ask you?

Besides, per this article on Honestly, I’m Willing to Work for Less Money:

Companies want to know how much you made at your last/current job and they’ll badger you until they either get it or you give up and go elsewhere. And then, the end result is, if your previous salary was too low, then they think you’re not qualified and if it was too high then you’re either a. overqualified or b. just taking this job until you can find another one.

Newsflash to the hiring managers out there: We’re all just taking this job until we can find a better one.

I remember hiring both at the Veggie Patch and Ye Olde Employment Establishment. I remember telling my superiors that certain candidates were too damn smart for what I needed them to do (i.e., “bitch work”). And that they would surely leave once they realized all we needed was a warm body.

And as someone who has been trying to make a career everywhere I go (as it takes a full year just to understand the cycle, let alone how you can improve it), I didn’t want to keep someone for a year until they moved on, only to have to train their replacement when they had enough time clocked on their resume.

I remember being told to hire the “best and brightest.” But as one of those best and brightest myself — one who fought against the status quo every day of my miserable life — I was very concerned that they wouldn’t have the same fight in them that I did. Fight that was weaning and wearing me down as I couldn’t win One. Goddamned. Battle.

In other words, perhaps my greatest gift to the next generation of talent/leadership was to not put them through the same shit that challenged my spirit daily.

But alas, my leaders convinced me to put offers on the table for the best people. I have to say, that was a valuable lesson for me.

I LOVED working with ambitious, talented, idea-filled and tireless people. What a change from the upper management at most places! The ability to collaborate, brainstorm and just TACKLE projects with the force of two (or more) people was simply exhilarating.

I will always be on the lookout for the next dream team. I think the best way to approach it is to be solo and move from project to project. That way, when something gets old or it just isn’t working, I can say “enough” and move on to the next thing. Better still, if something isn’t providing instant results, I can move on to something that does.

I say all of this to say that I got an offer last night that I had to respectfully decline. I never had a problem with the team (I rather loved it) but the leadership failed me in a lot of respects. And I don’t handle failure well at all, because it translates into *my* performance and that isn’t a track record I want to have.

My mom wishes I would just take the first thing that comes along and I can figure it out later. But I wonder if this isn’t God’s way of telling me to hang in there because the right thing is around the corner. I personally feel like I have to be strong and wise enough to just *know* what to do. And falling into, “Well, I could make this work till I find the next thing” seems to be the surest gateway to the next set of hard times.

Of course, now that the landlady has hiked the hell out of my rent, I do wonder whether I shouldn’t just take stability over happiness, whatever that may be. But is anything really stable these days? Was it ever?

And why does it seem the “best and brightest” are all lined up on the streets when the “decent” and “least likely to make waves” seem to be doing just fine? Or is that what the best and brightest are doing to cloak their superhero identities that the marketplace seemingly has no place for these days?