“When they said that what I wanted was a figment,
I had to turn the other cheek but I was listening,
Yeah I was listening, listening to all.Remember what the people said,
Remember what the people said,
When it’s said and done,
Let it go.— The Neighbourhood, “Let it Go”
I was texting with one of my boys on the drive home (for having a car whose brakes don’t work, you’d think I wouldn’t do that) and I said it was an early night for me. He’s in a different time zone and said it wasn’t an early night even by non-East-Coast standards.
Hey, I count it as early if I see sunlight for any part of the journey!
I realize I’ve carried on most of my friendships and relationships by text in the past year and a half. And not very well, mind you. I might do one or two texts in a workday. I did four today because I’m braindead and can’t manage much else.
Had a great day offsite yesterday to what I suppose I can refer to is a new satellite office. The commute was half the mileage and nearly half the time. I took 95 on the way down (21 miles) and a side street on the way home (19 miles). Please God please let us relocate!
My workload has effectively doubled. And while I can say I officially hit my capacity last Friday, I’m pleased to say that I think folks are starting to get an inkling of what it is I do. Which, I’d say 20% of my role is using my training/talents/smarts, while the remaining 80% is problem-solving and dealing with technological challenges and managing relationships/expectations.
I read an article today on stimulating one’s career libido. (Kate White! Love her!) It cautioned to take a hiatus from taking on projects that will get you promoted, and do something that will stimulate your addled widdle brain.
I think the new “satellite office” and all the Willy Wonka wonder it brings will help. I just don’t know how to give up the 80% crap that kills my will creativity in order to make room for the stimulating stuff that’s literally right in front of me.
I’ll get there. One way or another. Preferably with help from above, in all senses.
I didn’t mention the near-death experience I had Monday morning. If I died, and I think I came really close on the highway that day, I wasn’t going down without a fight. But I lived (obviously) and it occurred to me loud and clear that life’s too short to hate so much of it.
I’m going to try to release the anxiety, the exhaustion, the ennui and the “you’d look better with a baseball bat in your skull” angry moments. I’ve never been profoundly happy and don’t know how to achieve it, but forcing myself to be happy in a moment has opened me up to easier days and nights.
I’m finding my boundaries. I’m setting my own limits. And I’m rediscovering the Goddess who only needed a little bit of victory to make a big impact on her world.
I was thinking, oh yeah, I have a couple of crushes in progress too. (Which will probably play out over text eventually, I’m sure. They all do.) That always helps. But the one I’m in love with? For a change … me. And this time, I’m gonna treat this one like the royal deity she is.