Had a quick chat with God tonight, regarding what’s left of my free time and how (specifically with whom) I choose to spend it.
And on the iPod suddenly came this little well-time gem:
“My moms always told me I come from God
And the stress, that come from y’all.”— Queen Latifah, “Do Your Thing”
I’ve had a lot of exhausting experiences with friends over my lifetime, particularly in group settings. Whether it’s that some folks don’t pay enough or refuse to tip (and I compensate for it), or that they can only go to places THEY choose, or that they have to drag their annoying significant other or some other person I wouldn’t in my right mind invite anywhere … it gets old.
We all know I work a lot. And that I have mom in my constant non-office/-commuting hours. So, I live by the motto that if something is going to take energy or money I don’t have, I’d like to keep a respectful distance.
Even if it isn’t necessarily avoiding a particular situation, it’s not putting my delicate balance in jeopardy and dropping my guard a little too low. And I reserve my right not to have to justify it.
So, I asked God about some situations, not the least of which the brunch for two that’s now a party of four bipeds and two four-legged wonders. (I made a reservation for two so someone might want to tell me directly about the change, yes?)
Let me point out that I blame one of these people for jinxing a good thing with this friend. My perception of this person is “Shit Stirrer.” And I would not be surprised to be grilled and put on the spot and basically I see said person shoving her way in to figure out who I am and possibly how to intimidate me.
Sizing up the competition? There doesn’t have to be one. She made sure of that. I’m on guard now. After all, I think she revealed my existence on his FB page after a great date to stir up some shit with someone else he knows. And now that she mentioned my name on his FB page AGAIN, I think she’s trying to get that person’s goat.
And I would LOVE to get that person’s goat with her. LOVE. But I feel like I was a casualty and I don’t play games with people and I’m NOT a fan of those who do.
In any event, my friend should really call me and say, hey, some others may like to join. Would you mind? And truly, I wouldn’t mind in a different situation. Just … not this. I want to meet these people but not because they’re crashing the party. I don’t do bulldozers.
But alas, whose choice is it?
And that’s what I asked God. Is it my choice or is it my friend’s?
After all, I have another friend who got so sick of putting up with people’s obnoxious significant others that she won’t introduce hers to anyone. I’ve lightly expressed interest in hanging out with him; I’m not sure if she wants to keep him all to herself or if she’s so damaged from intolerable people that she doesn’t want to “go there,” just in case. (Note to friend: It will be OK. I promise!)
So that’s when I got that song and I also got the message from my guides that it’s perfectly fine if I decide that my mental capacity is such that I just want to hang with my friend. That being in groups has generally been stressful for me — I get super-quiet and kind of pissy. I like to be the center of attention and I don’t deal with aggressive people AT ALL.
And frankly I only like dogs marginally better than I like kids. Which ain’t saying much.
So, it’s still a coin-toss as to what will happen. I gave permission to myself to go just for the story I know I’ll be able to tell. But I also gave myself permission to be gentle with myself if I decide to make other plans.
I will hope that they butt out because I don’t understand their intentions and I really don’t want to be on guard with my friend, whom I haven’t seen in a long time and I really want to catch up with.
And that’s all it comes down to. There are people I really want to catch up with, and there are the rest I can do without. I spend enough time smiling for people who really don’t care about me — I just hope that if I’m investing that kind of effort, there’s a real shot at being part of a group of friends that make me a better person.
Remember, fly with the eagles. You are who you hang out with. Don’t run with turkeys or else someone will mistake you for one and you’ll end up on someone’s Thanksgiving table. Thank you to God and my spirit guides for reminding me of that tonight.