The only thing that kept today from being a total experience in frustration was the fact that I got to work in civilization today and was able to pick up dinner on the ride home. Which I don’t get to do when I’m coming in from the sticks.
Today I am going to instead go for the grateful route (rather than saying exactly why someone lit my tampon on fire like it’s a stick of dynamite).
I’m grateful that I managed to get Mom’s car to the mechanic before the brake line exploded. I’m grateful that I’ll get it to the mechanic to replace all the brake lines tomorrow since they’re all shot. I’m grateful my own car has somehow lasted in the meantime and gotten me to the offices even with the engine light on and the turn signals NOT functioning. And today it sounded like the muffler came loose again. So thank you God that I can go another couple of months without adding a car payment.
I got to thinking today, I’ve made so many choices in life that got me to where I am and, yes, in the really ridiculous situations I’m in.
I don’t know that I would change any of them if I could (what with the butterfly effect and all) but I’ve gotten to feeling like I’m never going to stop paying for all those choices.
My boss said I have plenty more choices ahead of me. And I thought, geez, it really doesn’t feel like it. I’ve given up so much. It’s hard to imagine I’ll come to even more crossroads where I’ll be able to choose my way to something better.
My neighbor in the cube farm has a sign up that says, “You can’t do it all in one lifetime.” Shit, I try to do it all in one day … even when everyone is frolicking home when I want nothing more than to be able to leave with them. Maybe he’s right. But I’ve got to be able to do more in this lifetime than what’s happening here in front of me.
Lord, I look forward to the choices coming my way. I know there’s no “Right” choice ever — either choice brings consequences and that’s what you’re supposed to experience. But here’s to choosing the more-rewarding roads at every turn. For a change.