Caterwauling

Today I went to the office for 45 minutes until the smell of over-varnished floors at the taco place downstairs destroyed me.

Then I worked at home for a couple hours.

Then the Internet went down there for four hours. It came back when I drove my happy ass back to that stinky place and rebooted with my friend in IT on the phone and with him on the phone with the cable company.

It only took seven router reboots!

So I picked up dinner and drove my happy ass back home and resumed editing one of the worst submissions I ever received.

My kid said it was a great article. The “Before.”

Think about that for a moment. When you finish weeping, come back to me.

Well wait till you see the “After,” kid, because this was more than lipstick on a pig.

This was slaughtering that motherfucker and serving up some burnt ends and bacon and pulled pork sliders with the best barbecue sauce in the world. (From 4 Rivers just north of Orlando, natch.)

And now I would LOVE to be packing since I AM MOVING but alas, I have another editorial wonder to cap off this lovely evening. OH and I lose my Internet WHAT WITH THE MOVE this weekend.

So, if shit ain’t done before Good Friday, the bunny will come and go and won’t be able to poop out lovely editorial eggs every day.

Oh and Mom is the only reason I will be able to pull off this move. And she’s so sick and in pain, she may not make it much past the move. So yeah. Thank God I have competent help at home. I just wish I could give the healthcare and salary to her.

I had a lovely drive along the A1A to work today — one of my last before I move inland.

An hour later, I had a lovely drive home.

Apparently the new restaurant under construction downstairs — the one that was due to open last September, just varnished its floors. And the whole place stinks like acrylic nails.

I lasted maybe an hour with tears streaming out of my eyes and my voice half-gone just in time for the morning status call.

When I could finally run free, I stopped at Starbucks and ran up the stairs in the parking garage to fetch Stewie.

Unfortunately I was running so fast, I fell flat on my face on the stairs.

I spilled exactly four drops of coffee. Banged my knee and blew out the toes in my pantyhose. But I’m so physically destroyed from moving that I was none the worse for wear.

The thing is, I dusted myself off, whispered “Thank you God” a few times, and was on my way.

A woman watching me thought I was nuts. But the way I figure, I lived. I’m intact. Nothing is broken and hey, I get to spend my evening commuting time packing instead of sitting in beach traffic.

So, while I wouldn’t say I won this day, I definitely didn’t lose anything other than my balance. And maybe a piece of lung. 🙂