I don’t even know where to begin today.
1. It’s International Peace Day. Quick, someone tell my neighbors.
2. Someone has shit-stirred. And I’m not sure whether it’s a recent stirring (i.e., to get a reaction out of me now) or whether it’s an old, crusty, pot of dried-up turds (i.e., it was done long ago and I’m only now hearing about it). Either way, in your dreams, dirtballs of the world.
2.a. I’ve done better. So much better. The best, actually. No need for me to slum it, thankyouverymuch.
3. Carly Fiorina is the devil. As if we didn’t know that when she got her ass handed to her by $HPQ. As someone said, if she wanted to run Planned Parenthood into the ground, she should have just become its CEO.
4. Scott Walker is out of the race. Speaking of race, that same someone said Scott Walker is what happens if a racist fucks a manila envelope. Sounds about right.
5. Take Ted Cruz with you. Or Eddie Munster. Or Count Chocula. (Have you ever seen them all in the same room? I think not.)
6. And Marco Rubio. Because, that kind of batshit belongs in Florida where he can only fuck up one state and not 50. This is me taking one for the team, you know.
7. Some people need to lose my number. Seriously. Please. I beg. I’d beg on my knees but they’d like me on my knees. Which, don’t make me use teeth. I will, you know.