Caterwauling

I’m starting to see why all my relationships and friendships are short-lived. I go all-in right away. And pull out as soon as I can. 

I’ve never been a girl to settle. I don’t stay with someone because it’s Christmas or their birthday is coming up or I’m lonely and waiting for something better to come along. 

That’s how most people are in the workforce. And unfortunately I see a lot of that in relationships and marriages all around me. 

My take has always been to be free. When the right one comes along, why have baggage in the closet blocking the way of your cutest cocktail dress?

My firm belief is that you can’t pick up what you want when your arms are filled with what you don’t. 

Of course, you need a job to get another job. Maybe that’s the way to get the right relationship? To have something to compare it to that you’re willing to sacrifice for something greater?

Or would you just be like 97% of the people I know and think you can have both?

Maybe I need a freelance opportunity as my love affair. Money never disappoints. 

“Don’t want to go home to the T.V.
Don’t want to go down to some bar
You grab a blanket,
Put the top down
And go driving in your car
Though your bed’s as warm as January
On this cold December’s night.”

— Bon Jovi, “Blind Love”

What most men fail to understand is that we want a damn gift from them.

I don’t need a yacht. Although that would be nice. But, you know. Something for Christmas and birthday and perhaps other random times through the year.

You know. To prove that they are paying attention to things we say we like. And thinking about us when we’re not around. Or pretending that they give a shit when all they want is someone to listen to them and care about them and ask about them and talk about them.

Even and especially if, all the while, they’re trying to get with someone, ANYONE else who will tolerate them for 10 minutes.

What bugs me is that if another man gives you a gift, or if you buy one your damn self, these guys feel like they are off the hook.

Let me be clear. I’ve not found much use for most of the (sadly few) gifts I’ve gotten in my life. That’s why my best boys give me wine and I cherish them so. (The boys. But also the bottles of deliciousness.)

Also let me be clear. If I gotta hear about your dick, I want restitution. The gift of silence is good too.

“Welcome to another hard night
You made it through another day
Sit at the counter counting tips
Can’t count on nothing else these days.”

I did something recently I’m proud of. I took time I’d normally spend on a “going nowhere” kind of thing, and used it to breathe some life into a couple near-dead friendships.

It’s amazing how much happier I am to have made a couple of connections to people I haven’t made time for in a very long time.

I mean, I’m not up for friend of the year or anything. Gotta keep expectations low, yo. But my theme of 2016 is “Enough.”

And that means there is enough time and money and will and willpower for everything. I just have to find it.

And that means a little less reality TV and a lot less reality in general.

So the only real gift I want or need … is me, and everything I’ve given away (i.e., time) that I would benefit from more than anyone else.

But if you want to take that time, pay up.