Caterwauling

That moment when it’s 5 p.m., you’ve been working since 5 a.m., and you want to murder everyone you’ve ever met but you’re TOO TIRED to kill them all.

I had a victory of sorts today. First, I stepped on the scale and I didn’t want to kill myself. Yay.

Then I ate what I wanted out of my lunch and then walked my lunchbox to my car.

That accomplished two things. I got maybe 2,000 extra steps out of it. Also, I got all the delicious, chocolately treeeeaaaaatttts out of easy reach.

I’ve been on Weight Watchers for the past eight years. Other than losing 65 pounds the first time around, then gaining 30, then losing 25, then gaining 10 … I’ve been watching that weight stay pretty stuck.

Mom is so sickly all the time, so I try not to get annoyed when she cooks stuff with lots of butter.

Or when she packs a brownie BECAUSE SHE BAKED IT WITH HER TIRED CRIPPLED LITTLE HANDS.

Or when she dumps in half a bag of Dove chocolates because I LOVE YOU HONEY …

*scream*

In any event, I bitch. And moan. And say hey lady, no buying any of that shit anymore so you don’t have to tempt me with it. Or hide it in your fucking room so I don’t have to see it.

And I lose every battle.

Not this week.

She baked banana bread on Friday. Which she hasn’t done in over a year when made a loaf for a friend of mine that she loved. But the friend never returned my text saying hey, gift for you. So I gave that loaf to Pinhead and never saw one come out of my kitchen since.

And I haven’t even gone near it.

But when I have crap at my desk, I get to the “I cannot get away from my desk anytime soon SO FAMISHED I AM GOING TO DIE NOM NOM NOM” stage of the day and all bets are off.

Not today.

Don’t get me wrong. I am willing to go out to my car to GET said chocolate and quinoa chips and whatever else in there I tried not to notice.

But I’m so eager to GET THE HELL HOME SOMEDAY MAYBE EVENTUALLY that I will not go to the car.

And by the time I get to the car, the craving will have passed — for chocolate AND the blood of a thousand souls.

We call that a Non-Scale Victory, or NSV.

I will be thrilled if I can officially get through today with a scale victory and a non-scale one. IthinkIcanIthinkIcanIthinkIcan…

I had already knocked out three projects today before anyone else located their left nut. Or sock. Whichever.  

My to-do list is huge. And I’m still sore that I couldn’t attend the events I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR on Friday. It started at six and I was done after 7. 

RAGE. 

But a funny thing happened that night. 

“Undercover Boss” was coming on at 8. They were featuring Marco’s Pizza. So I decided I wanted my tomato and spinach pizza from Marco’s. Which is divine. 

The parking lot was overflowing. So I parked by a business that I’d never seen before. And I decided to visit it on Saturday. 

Saturday morning, I went in and was told to come back later to see Heather, who couldn’t get her shit together to be there on time. 

I came back and no Heather. But then I met Gabe. 

And true to his name, this dude was sent from heaven. 

I don’t really want to get into it here. But work dry-humping my free time yet again led to an honest-to-goodness miracle taking place. 

I haven’t felt this at peace in quite some time. It gives me faith that things you want are possible. I have been quietly praying and believing and improving my karma. 

And just like that, it worked. 

I am humbled.