Caterwauling

I got an invite to a housewarming.

Personally, I haven’t thrown a housewarming party in years. Mostly because I left my cool friends in Pittsburgh and D.C. and couldn’t get two people to even come to my house these days.

Also, I don’t cook anymore and I used to LOVE to make a million appetizers. Who the hell has time for that anymore?

Plus, I’m over 40. We’re still doing this?!

I was shocked when I heard there was not only an RSVP date, but a gift registry.

I also got invited to a wedding in Pittsburgh this summer. That wedding registry was a doozy. Everything was white. White plates, white sheets, white towels, white rugs, white cookware and white shower curtain. Like, something out of a horror film.

(And I won’t even say that I think the groom is gay … whoops, wait, just did!)

At least the stuff on the housewarming registry is tasteful and has a few pops of color.

Although, I am more of the “stop at the liquor store on the way to the party” kind of gal than an “OK I will buy your bed in a bag” type.

Also, I have never quite spent that kind of money on a housewarming (A) or someone I don’t know all that well (B) or taken kindly to being told what to bring (C).

Shit, my ex-neighbor kept inviting me to gatherings and begging me to bring cheese and crackers and I abstained based on that alone.

I ain’t a cheese-and-crackers kind of party gal. Sorry. Ain’t a big fan of the bed-in-a-bag, either. And I don’t touch anything white because I will ruin it.

However, I will buy you a very nice bottle of wine that you probably never tried before and you will LIKE it if you can get past your affinity for Boone’s Farm Snow Creek Berry.

In any event, I made plans that day already but the party is way closer to my house. And would still cost less, net-net.

One day I will get to decide between hanging out on a yacht with champagne and lying on a beach in the Maldives. Till then, it’s more Sophie’s Choice than living la vida Sophia Loren.

Got to talking with a friend last week about “laying it all on the table.” Like, when you’ve left a relationship or job or friendship or other commitment, what will you have wish you’d given that you didn’t?

So yesterday, that translated into “four hours.” I worked for four hours and Mom cleaned the office. It feels like a completely different place. I took out four massive bags of trash that contained months worth of onions and god knows what. I haven’t yet sat on the cleaned-three-times toilet but I honestly cannot wait. Truly, it’s the little things.

So that, that’s what I wanted. Not going to claim I can die happy now or be escorted to the curb feeling like I achieved world peace. But the scent of newly mopped floors is quite stimulating for the brain, so I’m going to enjoy it.