Caterwauling

But …

If I have not replied to an email that I find incredibly demeaning …

To follow up a comment that someone went out of their way to repeat five times because I had to pretend I didn’t hear them, for their own safety, because I found THAT incredibly demeaning …

Assume that I was doing my level best to not hop through the monitor and deliver a punch in the face.

I was special once. I get that I no longer am. Which I said in reply since I couldn’t just keep on keeping my head down to stay out of trouble.

I also said I know I need to learn my place because it isn’t as high as it once was.

And that was satisfactory enough.

At least, it got me the space I needed to get back so desperately.

But just when I think I can’t die more inside, there goes another piece.

No, I’m not knocked up or anywhere close. But I did have a dream that I met a guy three or four years younger than me, and he wanted to have one kid and to do so right away. I said fine (!) as long as I didn’t have to go back to work. This from the girl who lived for her job. Go figure.

I’ve decided I’m on alt-maternity leave. Only now I have to wear a dress and drive 25 miles each way in rush-hour traffic to mind the farm. I’m sleep-deprived (thanks neighbors) and caffeine deprived (who the fuck can function without a Starbucks literally in their backyard?) and am redefining what daily productivity means.

Someone knock me up, please. But only if you’re rich and can take care of me …