Lotus position

April 30th, 2020, 10:12 AM by Goddess

I like to think her name is Sheila.

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s that sheela means lotus flower, which symbolizes purity and rebirth. At least, that’s what my friend said when she got a pink lotus flower tattoo, long before the internet was a thing.

This new Sheila feeds my cat colony in the mornings. Truck drivers would tell me about her, that she was always getting in trouble with local businesses for her kindness. So she’d park far away and lug her little white styrofoam bowls and cans to feed the babies.

She mostly got in trouble because she didn’t always clean up. That’s why I got forewarned — feed them if you like; just make it look like you were never here.

That was a welcome change from everywhere I’ve lived where they say don’t feed them at all.

Sheila got pretty good about cleaning up. And if she missed a bowl — the same white bowls I bring from the dollar store — or a can, I take them for her.

I haven’t seen any of her things lately.

I wonder if she is staying inside because of the quarantine.

Or if she lost her income and feeding our dozen or so strays got to be too much.

Most cats come every day. But lately there are a few missing.

One hopes they found homes. There are plenty of housing developments nearby.

Knowing the main road they live by, though, that’s a very hopeful statement.

There are also a lot of predators. I love a good raccoon or possum or bird. But I’ve broken up enough duck and cat fights to know that the biggest enemy might have the same wings or tail that you do.

Anyway. Sheila is on my mind today.

My hope is she scooped up a kitty and is loving on him or her in lockdown.

Maybe Sheila had some favorites and it’s too heartbreaking to come back and not see them.

We all name these cats. All the locals who walk by have names for each of them, too.

The story goes that an elderly lady nearby collected like 80 cats and couldn’t take care of them. Which explains why we have literally every color, breed and size roaming around.

I hope she does come out and I just don’t see the evidence.

I hope she is healthy and well, wherever she is.

I often think about dropping down to a couple times a week. Traveling daily is harder than it is costly, and not just in money terms.

But then I think of those empty bellies. Those kitties who go sleep on a pothole cover or find a safe place on a wall when I leave, and I just can’t fit it in my head.

I wonder if the remaining kitties miss the ones that are missing.

Or if they say, bye, more foodz for me when the hoomins do come.

I don’t know.

I do know I can’t wait to see my Bernie, Magic, Morris, Cocoa, Cal, Bella, Kenya and Shawnee again. And I’ll always look for “pretty Kenya” (the long-haired female version of him) and a handful of others I haven’t spotted in a while.

My prayer list is long. I hope the gods and kitty gods hear it.

May they all have a full belly and a safe place to land, and a long, secure life to go with it. Thank you that I have the means to give them some nourishment till then.



I was going to get good tickets this year too

April 30th, 2020, 9:04 AM by Goddess

I do love a good Sunfest. I get my favorite drink there. Some bartenders are better than others; I know the best.

Now to figure out if I can go to any of the other shows this summer that I already bought seats for.



Ice cream castles in the air

April 26th, 2020, 3:15 PM by Goddess

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels

The dizzy dancing way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

I’ve looked at love that way.

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way



Hi! :)

April 26th, 2020, 9:51 AM by Goddess

Coint …

Nothing less attractive.

Tired of the bitch trend.

He deserves a Noble Prize. Truly.

Have a lovely life. I am certainly sorry…

For him.

Did you manage to shower today or will it be another week? Poo-tinky.

Great name. Too pretty for this disease.

And pantaloons.

I’ve read the DSM. I’m a very good researcher.

Wife is bonkers betty.

I would respect her more if she were a trump voter who didn’t live to insult people.

You are the luckiest person on earth. Act like it instead of wasting all your time talking shit.

To be clear, I don’t want your luck, your looks or your man.

The only people I’m jealous of are the ones who don’t know you.



He’s been punished enough

April 26th, 2020, 7:07 AM by Goddess

I still put him in my nighttime prayers.

Now I ask that he finds his happiness.

Even though he stopped caring about mine.



That bunch leads back to the same IP

April 25th, 2020, 8:13 PM by Goddess



I am a patient, patient woman

April 24th, 2020, 9:24 PM by Goddess

What, you think I’m talking about him? Bless your bionic heart.



Ordering food

April 24th, 2020, 6:05 PM by Goddess

Mom: Did you guys have Crabcakes when you were there?

Me: Nope, Crabcakes wasn’t invited.



On this day

April 23rd, 2020, 6:41 AM by Goddess

I had a troll who liked to shit on any post about my grandfather.

Then I got a troll who liked to shit on posts about my friend who passed too soon.

I will never understand hating someone so much that you mess with their dead. Like they can’t talk to YOUR dead. And do.

I didn’t deserve this special girl. So glad we got the magic moments in time that we did. Well, maybe I did deserve her. To make up for all the rest.

Her heart gave out. Too full of love, I like to think.

Why sweet people leave us and meanie cottontrinis get to stay will never cease to break me.

If I could have one superpower, it would be reallocating that particular distribution of dumb luck.



The world could end each night / with one more look at you

April 22nd, 2020, 7:18 AM by Goddess

Many of us are remembering moments so perfect, we would never need to do them again.

We knew how good they were. We knew then that we could never replicate the wonder, the joy, the closeness, the tastes and textures, the adrenaline coursing through us, the colors we’d never noticed before.

Perfection frozen in time.

Just like in this article …

How Cancer Prepared Me for Coronavirus

With more time to live, the author had perfect moments he suddenly wanted to relive. Something to hold onto when hope was hard to come by.

I have had a handful of perfect moments, dates, days, trips, relationships.

I don’t think much about them.

But that’s because I savored each to the fullest, when I had them.

I promised myself in those moments to live them like I wouldn’t get them back. Wrote about them so I wouldn’t forget.

Some I got back. Most, I didn’t.

It’s tricky to recreate magic. You take Wonder Woman or Superman someplace once and then the Electric Grandmother or Dopey Opie the next time. It’s gonna be different.

I’ve had lots of unusual and decadent experiences. But only a few were spent with someone just happy to be alive and included. That made even the ordinary special. I felt alive, too.

I found a new place I want to try when this is over. I know someone who’d love it. One of those happy types. I am that way, too.

Nice to meet a kindred, even if just for a cocktail.

The author wanted to swim at his summer house with his daughter again.

Me, I’ll be happy for more moments of simply enjoying the moment.

I wish the same for anyone who gave me one of those magic moments. May we all get more.