Caterwauling

On the last day of Mercury retrograde, I remembered an email I deleted last year without opening it.

In a way, I wish I still had it. I could use a good laugh. But I did the right thing.

It started last April with a ridiculous note I received containing bullshit accusations.

I had replied to that one with class and grace. And honesty. People hate that.

I didn’t deserve to receive that first note, and they didn’t deserve my response. But I hoped that would end this bullshit saga.

Narrator: There would be no end to the bullshit.

Anyway I don’t know why but I remembered getting ANOTHER bullshit email before that. All caps, misspelled — totally out of character for the (assumed) sender.

But not for the actual sender, if I’m right. “THAT IS A VERY BAD IDEA. VERY BAD.”

I don’t know where people get off scolding me. They should probably re-examine their life at some point.

It dawns on me that I’ve now received three emails signed by someone who didn’t write them.

In any event, I got to thinking that I would have enjoyed proofreading the note. But I also know that these folx would probably revel in me possibly feeling ways about things.

The only thing I feel is grateful. And maybe a little sad now that the email-hijacker is Tweet-bragging that they stole the other person’s Facebook account, too.

I don’t get it. I blocked at least 17 accounts of theirs. Why keep going around them to see what I’m up to? You need social media fodder that badly? Are you proud of your ability to pick a fight with Pinterest?

Narrator: …

Anyway, farewell Mercury Rx and the random looking back that it brings.

Hillary’s instrument panel keeps lighting up because both keyless remotes need batteries. So of course I dreamed about taking the car in for service.

Every employee in the dream starred on “The Office,” which is pretty spot-on.

The dealership people told me they were going to chop up the car and sell it for parts. I said, “Fine. Tell S. that his taste in cars is the same as his taste in women.”

Then Bad Taste herself sauntered up to me at the dealership and said, “You look awful. Look at me — I look GREAT now.”

In the dream I said, “I will take my pretty any day, thanks. Get some inside before you brag.”

In any event, I just got approved for a new car loan in real life. Upgrading is fun.

ETA: I’m sticking with Hillary. It’s fun knowing there are at least two people who get excited every time they see this pretty blue. I just want to know who gets the bigger hard- on…