An old friend asked me to introduce him to my most recent ex-boss. He’s pitching a new venture and needs a home to do it from.
He clearly had no idea that this boss was now of the ex variety. So I said no I can’t, and I wouldn’t even want to if I could, knowing what I know now.
At the same time, a different friend posted about not being able to face one more day of his soul-crushing job. Four days later, he had a new job and quit the current one just in time to enjoy a stress-free holiday.
What do these things have in common? Other than good people in my life being sick of THEIR lot in life and deciding to make a change, nothing.
I was beyond the edge of burnout before I decided to take two weeks off. And we made a goof on Friday that I knew how to correct but when I told my team to “fix it,” I wasn’t specific about how I would have fixed it. And now it’s going to come back to bite me.
Will I lose my job over it? I hope not. Will my team? Not if I have a say.
Why didn’t I fix it the way I wanted? It would have been more complicated than usual. So I heaved a heavy sigh at the way the “light” fix was done and returned to whatever monumental task I was in the middle of.
I spent a lot of time last week fuming at how some person is a complete and absolute shit and yet has so much influence. But being nice and trying to be a leader (who understands that Fridays are miserable and the extra layer of complexity was only going to fuck up the two projects in line behind it) rather than a manager didn’t get me fuck all of anywhere in this situation that’s vexing me.
Anyway I think about my friends starting new ventures. I really don’t want to. Not right now. The one said very powerfully and poignantly that he felt like he was dying in his previous role.
I don’t feel that way. I mean, I felt dead and dug up from burnout, yes. And I’m hoping that my half-working two-week vacation sees some of that abate.
But I really am fortunate to like what I do, most of the time. With people I like, most of the time.
In any event, what really touched me was the one friend not wanting to make any waves or changes because he has bills, a car that’s almost paid off, a vacation scheduled. Can’t fuck yourself up financially to deal with your mental health.
Meanwhile I have tickets to a bunch of events next year and still have to figure out travel and accommodations. And I’m sitting over here nuts about making any wrong moves that could fuck up those plans.
Anyway, I wish them both all the best.
I’m sure the first friend will land on his feet. He takes big risks and loses big. But he wins big too.
The rest of us are just happy to stay off fate’s radar, lest shit get any worse.