My people seem nervous.
I promise, I have given them no reason to be.
They are feeling a sort of way, and I love them because they are good at anticipating (and being ready to fix) problems.
I remember after a big layoff, I got a call from above. “WHAT ARE YOU TELLING YOUR PEOPLE.”
Um, what?
Partly it was that I was candid about that and previous layoffs.
The bigger part — that they were talking amongst themselves and with people who had just been laid off — was a thousand percent out of my control.
The biggest part was that I had three immediate quits afterward. Two to avoid a similar fate (in their minds; this never came from me), one because she was struggling with the doubled load.
I still try to be candid. Less so than before, though. I gotta look out for me more than ever now.
So, I withdraw when I’m in my head.
They figured this out.
One said to me they were especially nervous because their investments aren’t doing well.
Like, if something happens, they don’t have the cushion to fall back on that they’d hoped to amass.
That just about broke me. Half because they feel that way. Half because “I” have the same low-key worry.
I pretend to act dumb about math and money. And sometimes I do things like spending five grand to see The Eras Tour … four times.
I don’t regret it. I would have regretted NOT doing it.
Also, I used a combo of cash and credit, and I paid off that credit as soon as I could.
But I am also pretty smart about money. My mom became the family caregiver, yes, but she turned out to be a phenomenal saver and accountant.
And among the compliments she showered on me, was that I was very good at that myself.
Anyway, hearing concerns about sad broker accounts hit me hard.
After all, Little Miss Speculative Risk Lover over here bought a bunch of quantum stocks and saw those drop 50% last Wednesday. In one day. Fuckin ouch.
So I sold off my DOGE and a couple cryptos to get liquid again.
Yes I should have kept DOGE for FOTUS’ inauguration. But I was getting nervy and I wanted my profits banked while I wait for quantum to crawl all Mr. Hankey-like out of the shitter.
Look, we don’t live in a fair world. Continuous employment is not guaranteed unless you’re Howler, probably. Being able to get a new job at the same/better salary, within a year, is a pipe dream.
Fascism and the adjudicated rapist rattling stocks on an hourly basis is really the only guarantee.
Also your house could get sold out from under you or engulfed in a wildfire.
And all the cash and jewelry you stuck in a fire box in your freezer could get washed out to sea in a hurricane.
And your mom could die and your favorite cat could die and all your friends could die (and have) and then you’re also broke and unemployed and your family heirlooms are gone and you can’t even find a steak knife to slit your wrists with.
Anyway.
When my person expressed fears, I showed her my tarot card of the day in response.
The Four of Swords.
I said, “If we feel a certain way, this card reminds us there are still options available to us to save our own day.”
She too is a reader. And she loved that response. She said she will meditate on that card as soon as we hang up.
I wish we all lived in a world where we didn’t have health care and 401(k)s and brokerage accounts and general well-being connected to something that can end at any moment, for whatever reason.
I also wish we could all just wander off into the woods and be able to find food, shelter and sanity whenever we wished.
And I really wish that, once you’ve had enough catastrophic losses in your life, you didn’t always still have to worry about the next one.