Home Sweet Hell
Landlady just contacted me to say she received a nasty cease-and-desist letter from the HOA.
My crime? Neatly broken down and stacked boxes on a hidden corner of my porch.
Though the letter says I am creating a visible disturbance.
I said oh PLEASE tell them I am SO SORRY for my tiny little corner (that you cannot even see from the street) when there’s a lady with a WHOLE ASS MAGA FLAG two doors down who they don’t bother.
You know, I have been away for the better part of a month.
Pittsburgh, where my cousin is BEGGING me to return to so we can be close (and I can watch her kid grow up).
New York (mostly LaGuardia, but still. Better than this fucking place).
New Orleans (people are so so SO nice. Though that could have just been Swifties and not necessarily locals).
Key West. I mean, my god, who WOULDN’T be a happy person there. I remember a guy saying, “This beats working, huh” and I said you have no idea.
Middle Keys. Same thing. I fell in love all over again with Islamorada, which was the first and only place to see us vacation as a family of five (Mom, Cocoa, Magic, Belly and me).
Meanwhile I get back here to dumpster fire Palm Beach and everyone’s been rude and awful in any store I’ve dared to set foot in.
And now this HOA shit?
Shan says that, if we’re being technical, one is recycling (mine) and the other is trash. So tell THEM to get the trash off their balcony.
You know, I like my landlady because she hasn’t raised my rent. Also I don’t take care of the place AT ALL.
But I am sad when I am here. My mom and my baby died here. I want to die here. I hate it here.
And then fucking Howler Monkey Heifer managed to ruin my first day back at least six times.
Why can’t she kill herself and save me the effort?
In any event, I know I can’t get rid of Heifer BUT I can abstain from dealing with her. And from going to her idiotic event that would be so much better if I were in charge of it.
I think I’m going to do that, after today.
Election Day is tomorrow. I’m either moving to (redacted) or I’m hiring my friend (redacted) to get me the fuck out of the country.
Either way, it’s clear I have to get out of Palm Beach. And out of shrieking distance from Howler Heifer. And this shitty fucking HOA.