Rehearsing
I keep avoiding contact with Howler Monkey.
I tried to reach out recently. To share information.
Was met with a bunch of hysterical “why did I not know about this” (um, I just told you) and a bunch of illiterate questions (um, what part of I am telling you what I know about this situation did you miss).
This was sort of in response to this person commanding me that I do something for them.
And to not only do it, but to run it by them before I publish it.
And to not add any details or anything else that would make it sound like me, even though it’s being written in my voice in my newsletter with the whole goal of getting people to take an action.
This happens a few (dozen) times a year. I usually just end up saying well write something I can sign my name to. They tend to go away.
The last time they told me to write something and to run it by them, I said well why don’t YOU write something so I don’t have to speak to you.
Guess what they did? They rounded up the last seven or eight times I wrote something (without their approval) and said I have their approval (!) to use it.
No doubt they told the superiors that they did ALL THIS WORK and I ignored it.
I don’t doubt it because they told ME “I did ALL THIS WORK” and you didn’t use it.
You … copied and pasted? Kewl kewl.
My final straw with this hoe came last week.
We have a meeting where all we do is talk about numbers. On a scale of 1 to 10, what’s the likelihood this will be done by the end of the quarter.
I mean, it also ends up with her presenting her Festivus list to our boss. With 14 bored people who do not understand any of it.
I was giving my numbers — after being in NY for four days and sick for two — and this bitch says I don’t know WHY you give this a NINE. I haven’t seen it or been consulted about it.
A task … that is mine … and has nothing to do with you … say what now?
The meeting moderator asked me if I need another meeting scheduled where it could be discussed. I said I DO NOT. I’m talking to my team later today and that’s who I need to talk to.
I keep waiting to get called out on my behavior. Which is to draw a big fat boundary and not even acknowledge any of this.
I have my comment ready to go, too. Why do I dodge Howler at all costs?
Well, because we’ve not had one single productive interaction. They have not once given me advice — solicited or otherwise — that was of any value to me or that improved anything I was working on.
I watch others, too, when this one talks. They don’t get the same gas face that I do. But some do the same nonresponse and I think that’s great. Some others do the patronizing “oh that’s so great” and then who knows if they do it.
I gotta give an award to someone on my team. I was in the throes of covid last week and a girl I LOVE said she was gonna get one of those treadmills so she can keep up with Howler.
I could feel my face go ugly. Like fuuuckkk not this shit again.
My staffer said something absolutely delightful and got me talking and cracking up.
I thanked said staffer today. I said I know exactly what you did and I cannot thank you enough.
She did one of those “whatever do you mean?” deals, but I could tell she was pleased I saw her.
After all, she witnessed a lot of the bad behavior toward me. She knows exactly the moment I turned. And that there’s no turning back.
I don’t know how “I’ve never had a productive conversation with or suggestion from this person” would go over if/when confronted. It’s a lot nicer than “I’ve lived 50 years without their advice or opinion and I could go another 50.”
I liken this all to when you have some annoying guy grab your ass at a Christmas party or stare at your boobs or otherwise try to enlist the IT guys to spy on you and they’re still your boss. You can’t kill them or have them arrested or even disciplined. But for your own mental health, you can stay far away from them.
If their opinion or input is so valued, then whoever values it can find a way to preserve those wisdomy pearls and let those shine like the crazy I don’t have the capacity for.
To be clear, it would be nice to have an ally. I do not see having or being one here. I do like and try to work with their staff. But it really would be nice to not think of ways to not be noticed, in a world where recognition is everything.