Caterwauling

Just finished up 30-odd (i.e., 40) hours of rush-rush-rush, urgent-is-an-understatement work. And even though the remaining/ongoing project pile is plenty high, I’m bursting with nervous energy and want to do something with it other than waste it on the digital equivalent of pushing papers around. But what?

I’m pumped up from a, uh, heated discussion this a.m. about something I did yesterday that I could totally justify. I’m not saying I made the right decision — I just made the right one at the time.

Throughout the years, I’ve gotten pretty bad at seizing moments. I’ve passed up windows of opportunity and cried behind the doors I encountered next.

I’ve missed as many chances to tell people I care about them as I have opportunities to tell others to go fuck themselves.

Today, I did a little of both. And it was exhilarating.

At my age, I think people are struggling to find themselves. Me, I’m struggling to rediscover that person. I would probably have loved to be a part of some sort of social revolution. Hell, I wonder whether I can create one. Lord knows there’s still all sorts of injustice in the world. Lord also knows that while I love being paid to work at a desk, it’s SO not my life’s ambition.

As I posted on Twitter yesterday, “‘The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails.’ Me, I’m holding my skirt down.”

And that’s the rediscovery part of this program — what did I WANT to do before I realized what I HAD to do? And if I don’t remember, do I still have it in me to dream up something else?

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 15th, 2008 at 2:04 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.