Caterwauling

FANTASY

Me: Hey, really sorry to bother you. But I need a favor. I was wondering if you could do (blah) for me) at your earliest convenience?

Other person: Sure. Would love to. Hey, I have an opening in my schedule right now. Oh, would you look at that — it’s done, just the way you requested it to be done.

Me: Wow, thank you so much. You’ve saved me a lot of time and I’ll mention to your boss how awesome you are.

REALITY

Me: Hey, really sorry to bother you. But I need a favor. I was wondering if you could do (blah) for me) at your earliest convenience?

Other person (cc’d to 6 others): Well, you never answered my question on (unrelated topic).

Me (cc’d to nobody): We met a few months back to resolve that. Remember? We decided (blah). Anyway, my request is kind of urgent today — could you get back to me on how we can come to a resolution? I think we should do (blah) as the quickest, easiest way.

Other person (hits “reply all” to their original message): Well, we asked so-and-so since you didn’t resolve that old issue and they didn’t have time to meet with us.

Me (hitting head with stapler): But so-and-so DID meet with you because they gave me a debriefing. Anyway …

Other person (e-mailing while I’m typing the last response): We need to meet to resolve that old issue.

Me (abandoning last e-mail and getting pretty damn angry): What exactly do we need to meet about? You wanted Y data and it was provided to you.

Me (mentally typing): Not like you’ll ever do it my way, anyway, so why ask?

Other person (did that cc’ line just grow to 10 people? Why are my two superiors on there?): We cannot move forward until you agree to meet with us to resolve the issue we contacted you about two weeks ago. In case you’ve forgotten, it’s the (blah blah project).

Me (lighting myself on fire): Look, I will forward you the e-mail where we discussed/resolved this Moving forward, can you just do me the teensy itty bitty widdle favor I requested today that’s holding up the whole show? Let me know if you have questions. Thanks!

Other person (pwned!)

3 weeks later …

Me (being brave): Hi, I noticed something strange and I was wondering if your team ever did me that sweet little favor.

Other person (cc’d to Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Holy Spirit): No because you never met witih me on the blah blah project.

Me (craps on desk and goes out for a smoke)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 at 8:16 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.