Caterwauling

I mentioned last night that “I throw back my shoulders and carry myself like I have confidence (which I usually do). And people can spot that from a mile away … and they want to bask in your essence so that it rubs off on them.”

Well, I must have been radiant yesterday, because I swear, I never had more strangers smiling at me. (UPDATE: Could it be because I wear short skirts in which to wash/vacuum the car? LOL) I almost wished that people who only get to see the neurotic side of me could have hung out with me for awhile (minus the ass-over-teacups view) — I was like a brand-new person.

In any event, I wanted to tell a story. I was sick of paying $2.35 (oh, EXCUSE ME, $2.3499) for gas in Alexandria, so I crossed the Fairfax County line to fuel up yesterday. I had a TOTAL blonde moment and pulled into the overcrowded lot (apparently everyone knows where the “cheap” gas is) … only, I pulled into the WRONG FUCKING SIDE. Seriously, my gas tank is on the passenger side, and I had the pumps on MY side. IDIOT.

Anyway, I maneuvered myself around. (Read: I went to the gas station across the street. LOL) There, I got situated and saw a guy who did the SAME EXACT THING that I had done. I felt bad for him and let him trade spots with me (i.e., he turned the whole car around and had to face the other direction), and unlike everyone else in the lot, I sympathized and didn’t get impatient. In fact, I grinned at him through the credit card I held in my teeth.

And he was hot. Seriously.

I fueled up and enjoyed smiling back and forth. But did he approach me? Hell no. Damn it. I tried to fuss with the car but it’s not like I could even wash the windows (seeing as though I’d just left the CAR WASH). I kind of trudged to the driver’s seat and pealed out at my usual 100 mph, just trying to feel good that at least I had managed to catch the attention of someone attractive. 😉

It’s weird when you have somewhat of a psychic gift (or a mother with the gift) — you find yourself in one of two situations: noticing everything or trying not to notice anything. Mom has been kind of tormenting me lately because she got the vibe that I am on the cusp of finding my next great love (or, as I like to say, my next ex. LOL). I guess I was thinking about what she’d said when I was smiling at this guy. (And, for clarification, I have asked Mom whether I’ve crossed paths with the guy yet or if he’s about to arrive, and she doesn’t know yet — isn’t it weird when your Mom knows so much about your life? The woman is rarely wrong — spooky!)

In any event, I’m trying to return to not overthinking things (all hail the blissful oblivion) and just take it for what it’s worth — a wonderful moment for one’s confidence. And the proverbial “they” always say that when you stop looking, what you wanted finds you. Then again, I can call bullshit on that one — if I don’t go after what I want, or at least prepare for its arrival, then it may never come to pass.

Like I wrote in my journal yesterday:

“Maybe positioning myself in the mindset of wanting to be loved will attract someone to me who wants someone to love. (*cue the Jefferson Airplane song!*) … If I don’t have some kind of dream or maybe even expectation (then no one will see all that is special within me).”

On iTunes: Dido, “Sand in My Shoes”

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 10th, 2005 at 5:21 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.