Random thoughts on a D.C. outing
After doing the world tour of clubs/hotels last night, I have a few errant thoughts I didn’t have the presence of mind to post last night:
1. It is effortless to drop more than $200 in a night and not even maintain a solid buzz. This fee does not include the drinks purchased for me nor the birthday gift — it’s all cabs, covers and cosmos. Oh, and I bought a shirt at Coyote Ugly. 😉
2. Strippers with “taint” piercings are fucking scary. How do you poop with a ring around your anus? They have to be anorexic and don’t eat enough to shit, or else that piercing would get infected. Ugh. Next.
3. When people find out that you are a vibrator peddler, they really want to talk to you. Or if they have purchased from you or your friends, they really love telling you how they have benefited from their purchases. 🙂
4. Sexuality becomes ambiguous after 11 p.m. Especially with women. At the point where you realize all the good men are taken, you start dancing with/molesting your friends. And it’s not only socially acceptable, it’s also encouraged. And admired.
5. And men really like it when chicks dig the strippers just as much as they do!
6. Spending upward of $15 on a five-block cab ride is expected. And when your cabbie gets two tickets for hauling your gang of friends to a bar, it is courteous to toss as many $20s at him as you can collectively gather.
7. Quote of the night, “Dude, couldn’t hear you — I was kissing a stripper!” Said by Shawn who had to interrupt a cell phone conversation because the stripper kissed all of us at the table. 🙂
8. Coyote Ugly is the best little redneck slice of heaven D.C. has ever seen. Nowhere else can you actually dance to AC/DC and Kid Rock and get angry when “real” dance music comes over the speakers. I can’t wait to go back!
9. Unless your spouse is cool, leave him/her at home. Andy’s new bride kept putting out his cigarettes, and not in the ashtrays, as soon as she saw him light up. This included her hiding the ashtrays from the rest of us. I was not amused.
10. Wear shit with pockets. I stuck my lighter in my bra, but some dancing and sweating later, that bitch popped out and ran away. Lighting your cigarettes all night off other people’s lit cigarettes is a real fucking pain in the ass. 🙂 But I did get a lot of cleavage compliments — had a nice hot-pink padded bra and a v-neck shirt. So I guess it was worth it!
On iTunes: Hiroshima, “Hipnotic”