Caterwauling

I think we should combine personal ads with “for rent” listings.

Face it, while we love most of our former roommates (I loved them all but the one I called “Salad Shitter” — the idiot who never bathed and who shat salad greens in the toily and couldn’t be bothered to flush twice when necessary. Well, come to think of it — nor did I love the wannabe drag queen who left dog shit everywhere and always hosted homeless, stinkin’ drag queens, letting them sleep on the floor while I was at work — the B.O. stench alone had me moving out within weeks. And I swear I left that place sans quite a few scandalous underthings. … OK, I’d better digress right now before I conjure up any other bad memories!), sometimes you’re too daggone old to live with others again.

And in my state of being forced to move, I am highly upset because I always hoped my next move would involve shacking up with someone. So, let’s turn getting fucked by your landlord into an opportunity to get fucked … and to possibly enjoy it! (Alas, it’s too much to ask that getting some and wanting some more from that person should go hand-in-hand. Or, something-in-something. Anyway. …)

Hence, the “For Rent Personals” — no lease, no contracts, no credit check. However, a trip to the free clinic is mandatory. They have an apartment in the part of town you want to inhabit, and voila! Instant concubine. If you have a home (or hole) to fill, sign up through your local City Paper and screen/interview potential live-ins. Forget movies-on-demand … get other, better things on demand AND get half your rent paid!!!

Seriously, my talents are being wasted in the “real” world. 😉

On iTunes: Portishead, “Roads”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 16th, 2005 at 8:23 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.