Caterwauling

But first, because I’d promised Erica an MP3, here’s an upbeat little ditty to kick off your Friday. Enjoy!

Erica had asked me a question, and rather than depleting her bandwidth, I’m answering it here:

You have amazing self-reflection capabilities. Is that a blessing or a curse?

First of all, thank you, because that sounds like a compliment. 😉

Short answer: The teeter-totter swings more toward the “curse” — at least right now. I think I spend more time in my head analyzing life rather than going out and living it.

I always tell you guys to envision what you want so that you have a concrete goal to work toward. I also believe in alternative healing practices and literally willing things to happen or to go away, because I believe it takes superhuman efforts and circumstances to take over when we’ve done everything physically possible to make a dream/goal come true.

But sometimes, I take it to the extreme and think things through SO MUCH that, when it comes time to implement said vision (even if it’s as simple as doing laundry or dishes or, heaven forbid, *exercising*), in my head, I’ve already been there/done that. Thus, I’ve thought myself into a circle and burned myself out.

Some days, I wish I could just turn off the self-analysis. Because it sets ridiculous expectations for others who may NOT have reached such a level of self-awareness. More frustratingly, forget about them being aware of themselves — I become disappointed when they don’t seem to be as aware of my own needs as I am — even if I feel like I’ve handed them the clues on a theoretical platter.

Of course, perhaps it becomes a blessing in that I recognize everyone’s limitations — it makes me examine my own boundaries of forgiveness and understanding. Especially when I need to move those boundaries in one direction or the other … and when to uphold them and continue demanding excellence from everyone around me. Because they’re not going to exhibit it on their own if they don’t have an example or a proverbial bar that’s been raised to a level that they can, in fact, achieve.

The bottom line is that I will love everyone (including myself) for whom we in fact are, but that never stops me from seeing our higher selves and rooting for them to emerge. I appreciate that you want to learn more about me and might even learn something about yourselves in the process.

Did I say “short answer”? LOL. Lies, I tell you! Lies!!! 😉

This entry was posted on Friday, October 7th, 2005 at 8:16 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.