Caterwauling

As you know, I’m unearthing little notes I’ve written to myself throughout the years. (See here for an example.)

I came a cross a lot of stuff today that made me cry, some that made me laugh and even more that made me cringe. My favorite, though, was the alphabetical list of reasons I wrote declaring why I hate somene. Heh. It still holds true. 😉

But in any event, I found two Post-It Notes, undated, in the file cabinet I finally decided to throw over the balcony away. What a lucky person this was who never realized any of this. Hope he’s happy in his oblivion. I’ll never know if I was right to keep all of this to myself, but then again, I’m not a girl who gets her hopes up, so let’s write it off as better kept to myself.

In any event, though, I hope I can have these types of feelings again someday:

Is it strange that just an ordinary conversation between us occurs, and when we part — for hours upon hours afterward — suddenly I’m reliving every moment like Diane Lane while she was on the train in “Unfaithful”? During the nights after I run into him, no many hours have passed, I can’t sleep — aside from mentally imprinting every detail he’d seen fit to give me about himself and those that I’d picked up on my own, my mind is filled with a thousand things I didn’t say and don’t know if I ever could.

Damn. Who needed drugs and alcohol when such a high came free?

The other note reads:

I can work myself into such a frothy fit about so many pain-inducing things, but just a random glance or smile from him stops all of that in its tracks. He can ask me how I am, and no matter what had been plaguing me previously, it just melts away. And I can say, in all honesty, that everything really is fine.

Do you ever stop and wonder if anyone ever felt this way toward you? What would you have done? Would you have been like me and laughed and told them to get serious? Would you have just assumed they were joking because things like that just don’t happen to you? Would the intended recipient of this torrent have done exactly that?

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 20th, 2006 at 6:21 PM and is filed under Existential Meanderings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.