Dear Characters in My Novel
I hope you guys have enjoyed all the fun events I’ve orchestrated for you. You’ve gotten to know yourselves a little bit better, and you’re really starting to know your place in this world. You’ve gotten familiar with each other (in so many ways) and really feel like you’ve made the right decisions based on the information I’ve already given you.
But tonight, Chapter 12 commences. And I may throw you one more bone (heh) of happy fun times, so you should really enjoy it, because my stress relief torturing of you begins full-force with the next word I type in my Word doc devoted to your adventures.
Muahahahaha.
Love,
The Author
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27,500 / 50,000
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November 15th, 2005 at 6:51 PM
Dear Author,
I do hope that the arc you have in store for my character containts more of that, shall we say, “softcore porn” edge to it. I was really getting to enjoy that aspect of things.
Sincerely,
One Of Your Favorite, Most Beloved Characters
November 15th, 2005 at 11:30 PM
LOL. That’s got to be the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. *mwah!*
November 16th, 2005 at 9:52 AM
Dear Author,
The Geneva Convention restrictions against torture should apply to fictional characters too, you heartless harpy.
Love,
The second-string character who’s going to die painfully
November 16th, 2005 at 3:33 PM
Dear second-string,
At least you get to die! I’m going to be stuck in a freakin’ wheelchair for life.
Love,
Another second-string character (the bitter one)
November 16th, 2005 at 6:38 PM
Dear 2nd String and Bitter 2nd String,
My life just gets better and better looking, in view of your complaints. Still, don’t think I don’t have empathy for your situations. I do. Really. A lot, in fact. Besides, how much fun is it to be a crazed-nympho with nothing to talk about but sexual conquests?
Love and sympathy,
The Beloved Favorite
November 17th, 2005 at 8:01 AM
Dear Beloved Favourite:
Don’t think you’re going to be “getting off” that easy…or for that matter, that frequently. As a crazed-nympho, you (I’ve read ahead) will be sad to realize the lack of massage-shower heads, battery operated devices, and things that go hummm….. even your motorcycle has gone vibration free that await your future in the book.
Not to metion that you mother is always going to be around, so don’t think you’re even going to get a chance to tiddle.
Love and even more sympathy,
A Faithful Reader.
November 17th, 2005 at 5:14 PM
[…] strength to play my part flawlessly in the interim. And beyond. Unrelated, if you missed my characters taking on a life of their own, then you need to go catch that discussion. It’s magnificent […]
November 18th, 2005 at 11:19 AM
Dear A Faithful Reader,
How cruel of you to paint such a bleak picture of my life! Especially the part about my mother, she’s a barnacle that I just can’t shake.
I suppose I shouldn’t carp on you for being, well, faithful and honest. Reality bites, or so the saying goes.
Now, Author, about this paternity thing. We need to talk. Like, yesterday! Write me, since that seems to be the best modus operandi for our nightly chats.
Squirming and kvetching a little,
The Beloved Possibly Gravid-To-Be Favorite
November 18th, 2005 at 11:58 PM
Dear Favorite,
You got yourself into this mess. But you know in your heart that it’s the only good thing to come out of that pesky threesome you saw fit to have with your roommate and her boyfriend.
Do the right thing. Somebody has to.
Love,
Your Puppeteer
November 19th, 2005 at 11:45 AM
Somehow, “pesky” and “threesome” are two words I never thought of as belonging together in the same sentence.
November 19th, 2005 at 1:45 PM
Dear Author/Puppeteer,
Why do I feel so obliged to do said good thing?? Oh yeah, that’s right- these strings on my wrists, back, etc. Nooooowwww I get it. Silly me!
We’ll see. Time is the ultimate revealer, as they say.
Just promise me one thing, will you?
Can we minimize the morning sickness and stretch marks?
Love,
The Beloved Character
November 21st, 2005 at 9:30 AM
Sorry love, stretch marks are a fact of life, because even though you’re going to give him away, you need some sort of daily reminder with which I can randomly poke you with the stick that stirs up the past.
I’ll ensure you are in optimal health, however. Because this? Is only the beginning.
Suck it up, girl. You can DO this!!! 😉