Lazy Sunday

Mommy has this thing she does called Friday Five. I know it's Sunday, but I'm bored and I don't have to poop right now so I thought I'd see why she finds this stuff so amusing:

1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?
God damn it, I hate everybody and everything under the sun. Therefore, everything that they do pisses me off.

2. What irritating habits do you have?
I am so very loveable -- who could ever be annoyed by me? I wake my mommy up every day by tap dancing on her head and waving my tail in her face -- I know she must love having a walking-and-talking alarm clock. And I always poop on top of my litter and never bury it -- I know that Mommy and Aunt Tiff are very proud of how much poop I produce and I am certain they enjoy seeing it after I have produced it. And when I cough up my hairballs, I always make sure to do it where everyone can see it on the bright white carpet -- I am certain Mommy and Aunt Tiff are very glad that I do not hide my hairballs so that they can see them and clean them up right away. And my most impressive habit that is extra-adorable is the fact that I am not ashamed to be clean, even if that means licking my crotch in front of company -- I know they are very happy that their guests know that they have a very clean pussy in the house!!!

3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?
I told you, I am adorable, damn it. Why should I ever change that?

4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?
I was always most perturbed when Mommy would have boys over to the house and they would kick me off the bed. I don't know why, as it is my bed and she should really ask for my permission to use it. However, with the weird noises they were making, I was pretty disgusted anyway, so I left the room but made sure to shit in somebody's shoes to express my discontent. I never shit in Mommy's shoes, though. You don't ever fuck with the woman who feeds you!

5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?
Staying awake longer than an hour per day, pooping in a real toilet, using silverware to eat my food, not licking my crotch whenever I damn well please, drinking water out of a glass and not the bathroom sink, and having a job. Fuck that crap!