Happy New Litter!!!

I am so glad to be home, blogging for my five faithful readers. :) It means that I will not be going buh-byes in the car for a long time to come, I hope!

Mommy dragged me to Pittsburgh on Christmas Day, during the nasty storm that swept through the North East. Argh. I kept very quiet from my little cage in the backseat, because I did not want to disturb her concentration, even though I was hungry and bitchy and really, really had to poop. But Mommy is an excellent driver during inclement weather -- it's the only time she really watches the road, actually. But as we bypassed a bunch of accidents and when we were in snowstorms and on icy roads, she didn't bat an eye. She kept us on the road, and that's all that mattered. And we still got to Pgh in four hours. How cool was that?

In Pgh, however, I had to stay at Grandma's house for FIVE FUCKING DAYS. Five!!! But Grandma spoils me rotten, much more than Mommy does. I ate every hour, on the hour. All I did was go lie beside my empty food dish, and I'd purr and look imploringly at my lovely Grandma, sending her ESP messages to feed me. And she did. And I got good stuff, too. She bought a turkey as well as a ham from Honeybaked Ham Co., and she diced everything up into dainty, bite-sized pieces for me. And she wasn't stingy with her servings -- or with the seconds, thirds, and fourths that I continually commanded. She rocks!

Mommy, however, stayed at a hotel for two nights. I felt so very lost without her. We always curl up and go night-night together. However, I prowled the house, looking for her, but she was nowhere to be found. Bitch. So, I got mad and ate Grandma's Christmas tree, in rebellion.



Grandma was none too happy with me, as most of her ornaments were off of her pretty little tree, which she decorated in red, white and blue for Grampy, who's a WWII veteran. Everything was glittery and sparkly and just plain delicious. Mmm, mmmm. Grandma sure knows how to decorate!!!

However, Grandma also made this fabulous M&M's themed wreath, complete with dolls, ornaments and candy in the trademark theme. It was so damned adorable, I just wanted to shove my paw down my throat and gag up a hairball. It was truly a hold-my-whiskers-back-while-I-puke kind of cute. I wanted to eat it for dessert, but it was up too high and the table near the door wasn't high enough or close enough to allow this stealthy huntress to eat that chocolately goodness that hung from the front door. Assholes, one and all, for hanging it away from my clutches. Damn y'all to hell!!! :)



Mommy and I had a miserably long drive home, which was weird, considering that the weather had improved a whole lot. The speed limit in Pennsylvania is only 55, so Mommy went 62 for the whole Turnpike ride. And she was listening to that goddamned angry lesbian music again, and I whined in protest the whole way. Then we stopped in Breezewood 'cause she had to pee. I also had to go potty, but do you think the bitch let me out of my cage to go relieve myself? Cunt.

We stayed in Breezewood for nearly an hour, as Aunt Shan called Mommy and we stayed parked for awhile so they could catch up. I seethed silently, 'cause Mommy woulda kicked my ass if I'd interrupted her precious conversation. But then we were back on the road, headed to Maryland with its 65 mph speed limit. Unfortunately, the roads were PACKED and everyone was going 50 mph. What's up with that? Normally, I am disturbed by the high speeds, but at that point, I just wanted to go home and fall asleep in my litterbox. Fuck. It took us nearly four hours from Breezewood, a trip that normally takes two to two and a half hours, at most. By the time Mommy pulled my cage outta the backseat at our apartment, I was famished, as I had become dependent upon Grandma's neverending bounty of food for me. Six hours, total, without a feeding! Christ!!! I was ready to gnaw on Mommy's ankles, by the time she let me out of my cage. Luckily, the bitch knew to feed me post-haste, or she would've had one angry kitty.

Today, she gave me some of the turkey that Grandma had fed me. Woo hoo!! Go Grandma, for sending the turkey home with me!!!

Mommy went out with Aunt Shan for awhile last night, but she came home so that we could ring in the New Year together. I lay on her lap while she called Grandma, and we had our tree lit and it was just a festive little evening for us girls. I tried very hard not to knock over her wineglass, as the merlot would've stained our light-beige carpet, and she was very proud of me. After wreaking havoc at Grandma's house, I was entitled to being a good little cat for a night. :) And there's a whole new year ahead for me to raise hell, so for my fans, stay tuned for more of Maddie's adventures in wonderland. It's been fabulous being able to share my life with you!