Dear human,

Your rant about cats made my fur fly. You humans have baseball; the feline national pastime is vomiting and pooping in places where we hope you can't find it, 'cause you yell at us. Not that we care. Hell, your lectures are so long, no wonder we kitties can't stay awake long enough to hear what the hell you have to say. I mean, sheesh, my attention span is four seconds long, on a good day, and that's only because that's how long it takes for my mommy to scoop out some cat food to put into my dish. Y'all are just jealous 'cuz you wish you could lick your own crotches like we cats can! Meee-yow!!!

Love,
Miss Maddie