I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!

Well, maybe I am a little bit chubby, though.

Mommy tried to pick me up last night, as I wanted her to. But she's got carpal tunnel in her one wrist now, and I was too heavy for her, as her wrist snapped. So the bitch dropped me on my head! Asshole!

I would, however, be much madder if I didn't manage to give her a really good kick in the face with my back paw -- slit her open from her chin to her upper lip. I even managed to make her gums bleed! Mommy looked funny bloody. And she still gave me some catnip afterward. What a good Mommy!