Tangled Up in Pooh

Mommy was busy packing her suitcase for this trip she tells me she's taking (and I suspect I am involved in this odyssey somehow -- gah!) when I decided to go nuzzle her at her spot on the floor. How did the bitch show her appreciation? By grabbing the scissors and cutting not only all the fur around my ass, but also pulling the residual shit particles OUT of my ass! Oh, god, the humanity.

She says she doesn't want me wiping my shitty butt on Grandma's rugs the way I do on ours. Oh, christ! That means I'm going to be burritoed into my cage and shuttled four and a half hours to Grandma's house! Fuck me running!

Anyway, Mommy tried to make a game out of my humiliation, singing "Tangled Up in Pooh" to Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up in Blue." I am too traumatized to even remember what her made-up lyrics were.

I'd go wipe my butt on something to punish her, but there's not a trace of my Hershey highway left. *sigh* See how indignant she's made me. ...