Punkin' puss

I wanna go out trick-or-treating tonight, but Mommy doesn't feel like draggin' her fat ass around the complex. I am highly upset -- I had full intentions on going up to people's doors and saying, "Trick or treat. Smell my ass. Now I'm gonna wipe it on your floor. Give me some treats, asshole."

People are knockin' our doors, looking for treats. But Mommy's got all the lights off and the drapes closed 'cause we don't have any candy to give out or even eat, for that matter. I am ready to waddle next-door 'cause I heard them open their door for the greedy little Children of the Corn who reside in our complex. Maybe they might have a treat for me! I am certain I can leave a little Tootsie Roll-style present outta my butt for them in exchange for whatever they can feed me. ;)