The short & curlies

Subtitle: Transporting dingleberries

Mommy says I remind her of "Eric Cartman" from "South Park" with my indignance. But Oh. My. God. If I could maneuver my enormous clawless paws on her tiny stupid-ass little Nokia cell phone, then I'd be calling Cat Protective Services.

What did she do, you ask? It's her monthly ritual to wash my ass and trim the long fur around my anus. Because, of course, my shit sticks to the long fur and it doesn't come off by wiping it on the rug alone.

Today, as Mommy was barfing up her breakfast of coffee into her mouth as I howled in horror, she said she never really realized that the fur along the back of my legs was curly -- she'd just thought it was shorter than my regular mass-o-Calico-lovin'. But alas, she was snickering to herself that she had me by the short and curlies ... that is, till she cut off all my anal fur so I won't be able to transport my dingleberries around the house anymore. Asshole!