Cattle Calico call

Every morning, I hang out by my dish and wait for Mommy to feed me. Kadi gets all schizo and runs around meowing and tripping her. I have learned throughout our past 8 1/2 years together that this type of behavior does not mean food will come. In any event, when Mommy drags her fat ass to the kitchen, that's when we get fed. Period.

I, however, require my kitty mimosa, as I like to call it, just after I've sampled my breakfast (which is usually some dry garbage that tastes like dehydrated crap pellets). Ahem. Anyway, this is my time to make my one request of Mommy -- to turn on the bathroom sink for me! Damn lack of opposable thumbs.

The routine is the same. We get fed. She makes coffee and checks e-mail while she waits for the coffee to brew. I go to the powder room and sit on the toilet lid and howl my little head off. Mommy comes and I jump up on the countertop. She likes to give me a hug or pet me before she turns on the faucet. I like that -- normally the bitch ignores me or I just hide under the bed all day anyway. But it is our moment. *sniff* She goes and gets her coffee and I get as much of my tap water toddy as I can possibly ingest on that particular bender. Then I go and spread joy and fur all over the house and, if it's a particularly good day, some shit stains on the carpet, too.