On the doorstep

Because Kadi blew out the screen door and it's a fabulous 67 degrees here in the nation's capital today, I am lying inside the open balcony door and Kadi is beside me in her cage, enjoying the warm air. I am a good puss and will not leave the house, but Kadi's not so smart and would probably run out and jump off the balcony if we let her. Well, I'd let her, but Mommy wouldn't.

I've been away for a couple of weeks because Mommy had the bright idea to leave town to clear her head. Unfortunately, that includes stuffing us kitties in the backseat and dragging us on what turned out to be a thousand-mile odyssey. My poor little bladder is getting too old for this crap! Especially when it took 90 minutes to get to the Maryland state line on the day we started out. Reminder: I live in D.C. Maryland is, like, 15 minutes away from my abode, if that. Oh, but no. We sat on the beltway and basically rotted in the rain. Oh, that was another thing. As Mommy went to merge onto the beltway, a huge storm hit and totally blinded everyone on the road. She had to throw on the flashers (no, silly readers, she didn't flash anybody, personally! Although that might have blinded the onlookers just as much as the damn rainstorm!) and kind of park us at the exit until she could see again. Oh, the joy and rapture of it all. ...

But in better news, I did get to see my Grandma! Mommy has been feeding us smaller portions of our Crap Cat Chow, and Grandma was fabulous and fed us ham and turkey and even pork! I never knew I would like pork, but it rocked. It kind of sucks to be home where we're back to the dry shit again. And Mommy's real stingy with the treats too. Grandma isn't, though. She loves her grandkitties and shovels food and treats into our bodies very liberally. I had no complaints!

Well, I complain about Mommy's driving, but you know that. She was still a bitch and made up songs about my fat, stinky ass (like her all-time favorite, "Doo wah doo wah, pooh pooh kitty. Got a furry cat and her ass is shitty"). This time, she was singing "I Dare You to Pooh," after the "I Dare You to Move" song that's been absolutely overplayed on the radio but for some reason she loves it anyway. She gets mad 'cause I always have poop clinging to my long ass fur, even though I really do try to wipe my butt on walls and doors and carpets and newspapers to make it clean. She and Grandma got really mad at me because I totally missed the tiny, disposable litterbox and peed on the stack of newspaper Grandma had left under the box just in case we kicked litter everywhere (which, let's face it, we always do). Luckily, the pee didn't even reach the carpet through the paper, but still, my ass got into trouble. But then Grandma gave me treats. Mommy hates that -- she said Grandma always rewards our bad behavior. But she did realize that I am an old cat (I will be 9 years old on April 2!) and that maybe I shouldn't be making these trips. Fine -- see if I care. Maybe Grandma can come down here and cook for me instead! Oh, I would love it so! *happy dance*