Hot cross puss

I swear, we've had our screen door on our balcony replaced no fewer than three times in the past few months, and on the first day the newest one was up, Kadi took a claw and ripped the whole bottom of it away from its frame.

So, it's hot, I stink and I'm not allowed to have a window open to blow off said stink. Fuck!

Of course, during the oh, I don't know, hour that the screen was intact, I was indignant that I was regaled to sitting INSIDE when I've been able to play on the balcony. Like, isn't that a demotion in privileges?

That first night that we had the new door (and it was 80 degrees here in D.C.), Mommy left the sliding glass door cracked open, just to provide a hint of fresh air, while we slept. That was when Kadi found a way to collapse her getting-ever-fluffier ass to slide between the glass and the screen and when, of course, she slit the screen open. The next morning, Mommy woke up to her alarm and NOT to Kadi shredding her leather coat again (tragic loss -- it looks horrid!) or bouncing from the dresser onto her head, claws first. Immediately suspicious, Mommy shot up and raced to the balcony, where she found Kadi sitting under the grill.

Conceding defeat, she threw Kadi in her cage and let me play outside while she got a shower and did some work before hitting the highways. And don't worry -- Kadi got to go outside too while she was in the cage, so I danced around and tormented her by batting at her with my paws, knowing she couldn't do a fucking thing about it. Triumph!

Unfortunately, I got too cocky. I started eating Mommy's dead palm tree again, and when I came inside, I shat like ALL OVER THE FLOOR. I vomited for good measure. The poo was sticky and runny and ridiciulously fragrant and just plain DIVINE!

Oh, but wait, the Mommy=0, Kitties=2 score was about to get evened in a BIG way.

Now, whenever I shit on the floor, Mommy catches us both and rubs our noses in it. I have LOVED seeing Kadi get punished for my misdeeds, so it's been worth it to get a whiff of my own poo for a second or two. But the bitch got smart this time. *sigh* She KNEW my poo and decided to rub the side of my face in it! EWWWWWWWW!!!! And she didn't do it to Kadi -- just me!

So, I walked around all day with crusty SHIT in my long fur. I couldn't get it out, so I sat around looking pathetic for when she came home (but not after I'd gone and slept on her pillow, shit-side-down!). When she saw me and realized that I'd spent 13 hours with shit on my face, she immediately grabbed a kitty wipe, but to no avail. Then, she ended up cutting out a bunch of my facial fur (and I've got a furry face -- like, my fur is almost as long as my whiskers!). And, for good measure, I got an ass-shearing while she was at it.

It's been three days, and I still have a chunk of shit on my fucked-up facial fur. Not like Mommy ever looks at me long enough to notice. But she does tell me I stink, every time I waddle past her. Um, DUH! And for once, it's HER fault!!!

God, the indignity. :)