Shit burrs and poop pouches

Life's been shit as usual 'round here, although I have been lucky in that it has been quite some time since Mommy washed my ass and kneeled over me and shorn the long fur from around my asshole.

Well, ring around the asshole indeed -- last night was the night. Seriously, we need to get her a date because a single woman of (*cough cough* over *cough cough*) 30 should be havin' somebody else playin' with HER ass!

Ahem.

In any event, Mommy got home late from work as usual, and she was sittin' on the couch eatin' dinner when I walked by. And I promise, I wasn't that close! I know she does not like long Calico fur in her food, so I stay away but just close enough in case she feels like throwin' me a piece-o-chicken. (Which she didn't, the bitch!) She got a whiff of me from 10 feet away and started singing Joni Mitchell's "A Case of You," only substituting the word "poo" for "you." SHE SAID I SMELLED LIKE A CASE OF POO ... I'm sorry, like that's an insult? Dumbass.

Well, she got me in the bathroom. I was up on the sink for my evening tap water toddy, and she ducked into the room and shut the door, which she never does. Uh oh. I had nowhere to run, and when I saw the cat ass wipes and the scissors, I knew I was in for a night!

Not only was my ass stained with shit that just didn't seem to want to be wiped on the carpet (although I did sufficiently ruin the carpet after my evening shit), but I also had a big ol' shit burr tangled in the fur at the bottom of my belly. I'm like a kangaroo, in that respect -- I had created my own little poop pouch!

Don't worry -- she cut out the burr. And I smelled good overnight, but this morning, she is asking me how I smell like shit again when my ass is all smooth and stuff. Heh -- you might be able to cut the shit burrs out of the cat, but if you don't know to look for pellets under your computer desk, well, that's not my problem, is it now? ;) ...