Shit prints and kitten funk
Those are mine and Kadi's new nicknames (thanks Mommy. Bitch).
I swear, I am going to market a line of kitty art called "shit prints" -- my mountains of crap on the floor are just a spectacular sight to behold sometimes!
My tummy's been a-rumbling lately. Mommy cheaped the fuck out and bought Cat Chow because it was on sale. UGH! Talk about a gastrointestinal disaster -- I've had more dingleberries embedded in my ass fur than ever before!
Speaking of, I'm all fluffy now 'cause she gave me a BATH and groomed me. OW! I HATE being combed! HATE IT! I meowed (in the bathroom sink) so loud that the neighbors came over to ask if someone was hurt. HAH! They thought I was HUMAN!
Which, I am, of course -- but trapped in a tiny ball of fur-and-shit. Fuck Willy Wonka and his chocolate factory -- I got your chocolate factory RIGHT HERE, muthafucka!!!
Anyway, the switch to "crap" food means one thing in this house: Kadi farts more than EVER. Poohnani!!! She used to fart a lot as a kitten when Mommy fed her Iams, but it goes away when we get Mow Mix (not MeOw mix -- it's Mow, because that's what I saw -- mow!), particularly the Seafood Middles, which makes me dance and shit at the same time, and believe me, that takes a LOT of effort to achieve!
Oh, please help me -- Kadi likes to jump on my back and fart on my head. I growl at her and Mommy yells at both of us. Then Mommy will get a big fat whiff of kitten funk and she will understand what I was saying. She's been burning lots of Nag Champa incense to mask the ass scent in the house -- between Kadi's noxious gas and my magnificent pyramids of shit on the rug, she's ready to cut off her hair and hang herself with it. I hope she doesn't do that -- who would make the house smell pretty again, even if it only lasts for an hour or two at a time?!?!
posted by Miss Maddie @ 8:17 AM
5 Comments:
Ahhh the joys of Pud ownership!
When I get the Fancy Feast catfood that She use to buy me when she first moved in, I always hated it. Then she'd buy the other expensive products and I'd snub those too. Finally, she settled for the Gourmet Cat Food in a can and I was in heaven. Now whenever she accidently drops a tuna can, I think its my cat food and run inside to see what she has for me.
The other day they decided I should get some tuna(it was great!) but I threw it up outside by her car and she refused to let me have any more.
When I switched my cats to Nutra they stopped shitting so much... I dunno, the better the food the healither they are and the more normal they shit.
Dear Miss Maddie,
I think Hopper has been reading your blog. In the past several months, she has shit in different areas of our apartment: by the back door; in a corner by the radiator; the bathtub; the bed--while I'm in it.
But her favorite location is my side desk, since that's the only place she leaves her work now. Sometimes, she even does this right in front of my face.
Though she normally eats Wellness, she's been eating a special type of Eukanuba for a couple of months, and let me tell you--Eukanuba makes her shit stink like a truck stop restroom.
You're a very influential kitty!
Signed,
Barb
what is this *trips*
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