Hope deferred
The Bible says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” That probably explains my acid reflux.
Of course, I quit taking folic acid in my daily B12 and that seemed to fix the problem.
I was in a foul mood yesterday. I know I took it out on mom. I get that way sometimes. Like, don’t make me breakfast and decorate my house and basically breathe in my general vicinity. Go fix you and let me worry about me for a while.
And then she gets super-sick yesterday, like she does pretty much every day, and I feel like an ass. Because my priorities are so screwed-up.
Right now, I’m so enraged over the apartment situation. I mean, a door is open — no lease no commitment, no nothing — and you’re supposed to walk through open doors.
Instead I’m voluntarily backing myself into a corner and paying more for the joy of leasing from assholes and living below a terrorist.
Since I can enable anyone, I’m perhaps enabling myself by saying at least I won’t be getting daily shitty texts from the Cunt Du Jour (which is how I listed her in my address book).
Now she’s saying she will never raise the rent again. The bitch of the day before her said the same. So there’s that.
But at least I have some “security” (ha ha) for now. Stability is probably a better word.
I have a list on my laptop that I made at New Year’s. My bukkit list for 2016-ish. (Am a procrastinator, after all.) Time to pick something else off the list to achieve.
I used to tell you to expect big things from me. Now I don’t know what to say. Maybe just don’t expect a lot of whining and complaining.
I have a shirt that has another bible quote on it, “Hope is the anchor of my soul.” If you see me in person, you may notice that I wear a lot of anchors via jewelry and T-shirts.
I don’t know what it is inside me that keeps me smiling sometimes. But if you see me wearing an anchor, you know those little touchstones might have something to do with it.
