‘Last I checked, I’m a good f’in time’
The quote in the title was one of many soundbites from the World Money Show. Now that I’m no longer with an exhibitor company (or any company, for that matter), those shows are so much more enjoyable!
My secret is to hang out with people who are way more attractive than me. I hung out with my beloved Empress E, and when the guys who flock to her realize that I’m the easier one of the two, things get interesting. 🙂
No worries — I left the show with my chastity intact. You definitely meet lots of rich guys at these events. Although most of them have reputation for being players, or else they have NO game whatsoever, and it’s fairly easy to escape unscathed … if not still drunk 24 hours after you started your adult-beverage consumption.
It’s always a joy to see the “family” and sad to see them go. But I got a nice dose of my “Vitamin D,” and that’s the real reason I hopped into the car and drove three hours each way. Everything else was just gravy.
Mmmm, gravy.
It was good to be out and about among the land of the living again. This staying-at-home crap is really depressing the shit out of me. And while it’s sad to say that certain readers are dancing for joy to read about my depression and disgust with life right now, well, fuck it. I’m owning it. I’d rather be disappointed and have income than bummed without it. Although I did enjoy talking to someone who was in my boat not too long ago about a “no talented people” rule. *muahahaaaa*
Anyway, one thing I did take with me is that life will go on eventually. My travel buddy left Florida, my income ground to a halt and I’m now captive 24/7 with my mom and a smelly cat. Yay.
But … there are travels ahead when I can afford them again. Paris. London. Coastal North Carolina. Virginia Beach. Seattle. Long Island. New Orleans. Memphis. Nashville. Maybe I won’t get to most or even any of them this year. But I didn’t die or anything. Just the last version of Goddess is gone. But the next one is always under construction.
I ran into some people I met in the past year, and was pleasantly surprised that not only did they remember my name, but they actually really liked me. I didn’t have the heart to tell them I’m not with the company anymore. But since a few offered to stay in touch, hey, I’m not going to turn that down.
I told Empress E how shocked I was that I was remembered so fondly. And she said, um, duh. My inroads into this field was always the relationships I developed. I just happen to have a couple of functioning brain cells, too, but it’s more than that. People leave me feeling good. Well, most people. 😉 But that’s my ticket back to success — being remembered fondly, so that when I call them, they are hopefully happy to hear from me.
It’s been such a long, emotional journey. I still struggle with “why” — why all I have is my work/reputation, why the only family I have is a mother in questionable health, why another Valentine’s Day approaches with not a single iota of celebration in sight, why every cat I own has a poop fetish, why I have professional admirers and no professional contentment, and why every day is a struggle to get out of bed whether or not alcohol was involved the night before.
Alas, I still don’t have the answers. I just keep getting up, putting on my best face, throwing a pack of smokes in my purse and plodding along.
The secret to writing an article, a novel or even the story of life’s success is knowing the ending in advance. And I struggle like hell with this “middle part” when the outcome becomes fuzzy. Is it worth it to be loved now when you could be homeless in three months? Not only is it easier to get hired when you have a job, but it’s easier to do everything when you’re not sleeping on the beach. Sigh.
I know it won’t come to that, but that’s my motivation to keep getting up, getting dressed, putting on makeup and trying again. This isn’t the life I wanted, nor is it going to be in the short term. But I feel like I’m running out of fight. I used to think I could do anything. I’m not so sure anymore.
Some people get by on their looks, but even those fade. What if drive and creativity runs out, too? What if that’s what’s happening to me?
Of course, then you look around and see plenty of “successful” people who don’t have anything but sheer luck to go on. God bless them the day that runs out.
And I’ll be ready to help them because that’s who I am and what I do. Even if I shouldn’t. Especially if I shouldn’t.
That’s what makes someone a true success, I think. Having the ability to either kick someone while they’re down, or raise them up higher than they ever thought possible, and choosing the latter.
Maybe that’s why people like me and (say they) want to help me.
Team Good Guys is going to win this one. We just have to go into extra innings. But there will be a victory dance. I promise you that.