Not the life I wanted
Big epiphany day. Had long talks with Scot and Shan about how I am pretending to be something I’m not and doing things that run contrary to the person/worker I am.
I am always the peacemaker, the do-er. This is not my comfort zone. I am supposed to be making waves, following my own beat and spouting ideas and dreams. I do none of this — at least, I do not make it a point to do these things. If they happen, it’s usually inadvertent. I suppress my frustration at my role and just contninue doing things to keep the life and job afloat, regardless of what I feel about them.
Shan invited me to move to Oregon with her. I have yet to say no. And maybe that’s because it’s not the worst idea I’ve heard in a long time. I don’t view it as giving up on my current life so much as taking an opportunity to find out how to live the life I’ve always known was meant for me.
I’ve always wondered what would happen if I just started screaming and smashing everything in sight. Today, the passion threatens to override logic and self-control. And it’s been a long time in coming. …