Paradise found
Had a great weekend in Key West. As if it’s possible to have a terrible time there.
Coming back sucks. Well, it sucks on a normal occasion because that means leaving paradise behind. But it’s got an extra layer of suck this time since I got unceremoniously shitcanned last week and the job hunt must begin in earnest this week.
*too tired to scream, but thinking about it*
I got a wonderful note from my old pastor, because of course she was one of the first people I consulted about the screwy situation I find myself in. And as I suspected, she knew exactly what to say, mostly since she could tell that forgiveness isn’t going to come easily for me on this one.
She said, and I quote loosely, “Most managers are not equipped to lead people like you — people of influence, people who are highly experienced, people who are big-hearted.”
And holy shit, while I will not say I’m healed — not till I get another job, damn it — that was the perspective I just could not find last week.
Few people can lead people like me.
I’ll save the, “Well, I have a few pointers” schpiel. Because I’m saving it for my book. 😉 But I am very much accustomed to working with highly creative, independent and connected people. I am also very used to managing/leading the highly innovative and equally highly difficult people. (Although I think I am FAR from difficult to lead — at least, I’m easy when where you’re telling me to go makes sense to me.)
I succeeded at that, though. I couldn’t figure out why I was such a star at Ye Olde Employment Establishment and an utter failure (in others’ eyes — NOT mine) at the Den of Inquity and the Ghost of Employment Past. But I know now … I was made a star by the Chief Star-Maker. And, in turn, I ruled my own constellation.
I have given people the same advice through generations of jobs — mind your managers, but really make sure you are close to the stars. The authors and TV stars are a way better reference than the person who is locked in meetings all day and night.
I didn’t take my own advice this time around. I was the asshole locked in meetings morning, noon and night. I didn’t have time for my stars. And then it got to a point when working with my stars was suddenly “not my job.”
And that’s why I sucked — I wasn’t managing talent anymore.
I have to get back to that. The talent drove me crazy in my glory days, sure. But NOT working with the superstars meant that I wasn’t a superstar myself.
Boo. Screw that crap.
Anyway, perhaps I’ve spent too many days drinking frozen mango mojitos and dancing to too many steel-drum ballads in the sun. But perspective found me in paradise. And I hope that my dream job is out there. Because that’s when I’ll be a star again myself … and no wonder I couldn’t thrive in a role where no one could see me when they looked up on anything but the organizational chart.