Summer is coming
Subtitle: Too bad I’m not. 😉
Went with Dave to a party at Lex’s house last night, in honor of Lex’s 29th (again) birthday. Met lots of cool people and had to refrain from lying under the keg-erator spout, although I didn’t do too bad in the beer consumption department. 🙂 We hung out on the patio with Jen’s gorgeous dogs, Annie and Bunny, who provided fantastic entertainment. And was it Andy who brought the Wasabi peanuts? He’s welcome at any party I ever throw in the future, with those in hand!
At any rate, when I told my mom about the kegerator, she said, “And did you even bother using a glass?”
Before the kickin’ soiree, I’d gotten a manicure/pedicure. Friends, get a pedicure. Now. Trust me, I’ll be here when you get back. Half an hour in a chair that massages your neck and back, and I swear, all of your problems will go down the drain with the bubbly water. Other women chose to read magazines — I lay back and let my eyes roll back in my head a few times. You’re so vulnerable there, and it’s divine. I will definitely be building regular pedicures into my tiny monthly budget from now on.
One of my friends at work was telling me about this new apartment she is moving into on Seminary Road. I was sniffing around for info about it on the ‘Net, and I’m hoping that my current management company doesn’t own it (I fear they do). She got a great summer special, $800 with utilities included. But as the current leasing company doesn’t allow for transfers, which means I wouldn’t get a discount, I may have to cross that place off my list of places to visit later this summer. My buddy lived in Mt. Lebanon (just down the street from Mt. Washington, where I lived in Pittsburgh), and we were bemoaning the fact that, for $800, we could’ve gotten upscale two-bedroom units in our old city. I just can’t see spending a third of my net income on housing and another third on utilities, DSL, cable, etc. We’re truly working to survive down here, and that just sucks donkey balls.
I haven’t done much this weekend. I may dye my hair before the day is through — it became naturally uber-highlighted while I was in California, and it just doesn’t match the dark roots, so I’m going to go for a light-brown tone. My hair is fragile, so I really shouldn’t be abusing it much more than usual, but I love how soft it becomes after I nuke it with the post-dye conditioner.
For those who didn’t know, my mom is the coolest gal on earth. She was telling me how, last night, she was watching “Real Sex” on HBO and something on Skinemax where there was this big FFM threesome going on. She hasn’t gotten any in awhile, and I s’pose she’s just horny as hell (as am I — damn hot summer weather gets me every time!). She was wishing that she actually paid for those channels (they were just coming in really clearly last night) so she can see more cable-TV B-movies. I was surprised that she’d be turned on by anything remotely related to two females gettin’ it on, but I think after years of having me being undecided on what the hell it is that I want in my bed, she’s seen the light. Go, Mom!
I asked her if she were leaning over to the other side — that given her disastrous dating history, perhaps she might want a chick next time around? We laughed, and I said that’s just another gender to reject us. She agreed and said it’s enough getting rejected by men — no sense in having no luck with two genders!
I credit Mom with exposing me to porno. I used to have a TV and VCR in my bedroom, and she would hide pornos in my collection of Bon Jovi and other ’80s hair-metal video compilations. But I wasn’t stupid — I saw those unmarked tapes (as I so painstakingly inventoried my own tapes) and popped ’em on into the player when nobody was around. Woo-hoo! Mom was into some trashy shit, and it just served as a foundation for my own love of porn. 😉 And she also bought me my first vibrator too.
Warning: Reminiscing ahead!
I will never forget the time that Shawn and I were moving into our apartment in Pittsburgh’s Highland Park neighborhood. My current vibrator had broken in half (yes, my muscles are that strong, and no, I’m not going to share THAT story!), and instead of throwing it away, I figured I’d duct tape it or something once I settled into my new home. Well, the base of the vibrator came rolling out the side of one of my boxes, and it looked a little bit like one of those personal hand fans, with the motor hanging out there. Shawn’s friend Dustin picked it up and showed it to all of us (with Mom standing there) and commented on my little fan falling out of the box. ROFL. He had no idea. But Mom did. And Shawn and she never fail to remind me of that day. 😉 I wasn’t overly mortified, although after Dustin removed his paws from my vibrator, I did end up throwing it away and Mom bought me a replacement.
Mom used to make my old roommate Janna and I the best Easter baskets. They were filled with vibrators, lube samples and condoms. And candy — can’t forget the candy — she didn’t want us to have any kind of aftertaste lingering in our mouths after we used the other items. 😉
I need to get Mom laid. Really, as I am not currently getting any, perhaps I should use my free time to find someone for her. At any rate, she’s 45 (looks 27), blonde, loves sex and has been known around town as giving “the best blowjobs ever!” She also thinks like I do, so if you enjoy reading the blog and happen to find yourself in Pittsburgh, PLEASE let me know so I can hook you guys up!
< / shameless pimping of Mom >