Caterwauling

“I’m not going to say the name of the airline, but it rhymes with Northwest.” — Larry the Cable Guy, “Blue Collar Comedy Tour”

As I’ve probably flown about 4,000 miles with that particular airline in the last month, I’m not going to say I endorse Larry’s follow-up statement that its flight attendants look like “the Oak Ridge Boys with titties,” but I can certainly understand the sentiment. 😉

In any event, I am usually the poster child for preparedness. Whenever I travel, I always, ALWAYS have a bag full of toiletries and a change of clothes or, at least, an extra pair of undies.

Unfortunately, that was not the case three nights ago. As I mentioned earlier, my plane got to my layover stop in Minneapolis about two hours after the last plane for D.C. left, so I was Screwed. Although, in retrospect, at least my plane got me closer to the East Coast — lots of folks got stuck in Aspen and had to afford a hotel for yet another night — my paltry $70 for the Holiday Inn was nothing in comparison to their $300 “distressed passenger” rate in Colorado!

Talk about distress — my airline kept my big rolling garment bag (my only luggage) hostage for the night. And it was the one time in my LIFE that I decided to not bring a bag o’toiletries on the plane with me — all I had was a purse and a pillow. Within said purse was a credit card, a thing of hairspray and a travel-size bottle of powder. Yeah, I need about seven TIMES that in the way of beauty products in any given day..

Good thing I liked the outfit I was wearing — I had it on for two days, save for overnight when I hung everything up to give it a break. 🙂

What’s sad is that my hair? Never looked better than that day. I even captured it on the camera phone, but I’m not sharing it. Because the formerly glowing skin? Gone. Eek.

Believe it or not, the adventure wasn’t so bad. The Holiday Inn (oddly) served me the best antipasta salad of my life. Although, I hadn’t eaten since 8 a.m. Mountain time and it was 11 p.m. Central when I got to the restaurant (as it was closing, no less). I didn’t sleep because I went from 1,000 threadcount sheets in the St. Regis to threadBARE in the Holiday Inn (so spoiled, I am!). But alas, I got up and hit the gift shop, where I bought a whole new set o’toiletries, and thus I was presentable for my journey home.

I have a funny story about the powder. In college, I used to always antagonize/entertain people with daily “powdered foot dances.” I don’t know why — I always dumped powder in my shoes, and what I’d do is take off my shoes outside the dorm room and do a little dance to shake the powder loose.

I don’t do that anymore — it was stupid then and it is now. But when I had to pull on Sunday’s socks on Monday, I rejoiced that I had the powder and dumped a little into my boots. Yeah, great idea to do that a HALF-HOUR before getting to the security line at the airport. So, somewhere in Minneapolis/St. Paul, where I had to take off my boots, there was a little powdered foot dance done. Leave it to me to leave my mark wherever I go. 😉

But the moral to the story? Never, EVER use your emergency undies during the trip — I used mine at the hotel in Colorado (after spending a few hours in the spa, believe me, you will need a change of guchies. Those massages leave *quite* the impression on your imagination. LOL).

Anyway, I digress. But yeah, there’s a reason I usually pack as many suitcases as the airline will allow, even for an overnight trip. Just because YOU think you’re going to get home on a Sunday doesn’t mean the airline has to deliver you there till Monday. They’re only supposed to deliver you there in once piece. And that they did, with underwear washed in the sink at the Holiday Inn and dried overnight and all. … 😉

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 at 10:35 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.