Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

For saying I spent 10 days in Orlando, I didn’t spend much.

Well, let me rephrase. Other than pandemic credit card points, I didn’t spend much.

My fat ass ate and drank my way around Epcot twice.

And really the only cash I spent was at Joffrey’s and at the parking booth because the redemption system was down.

I was spend AF at Del Frisco’s, Delmonico’s and STK. So, you could say my souvenirs were filet mignon, Chilean sea bass and cocktails.

I also picked up a skeleton Mickey and a shoulder Dante.

Barely spoke to anyone who wasn’t a colleague or a cashier.

Until last night.

I was drinking my All Hallow’s Eve Halloween Treat chocolate-peanut butter porter.

Oh! I was on a peanut butter and chocolate kick too. That was the seasonal cheesecake at Delmonico.

And I picked up the cutest Minnie witch hat at the Starbucks in Magic Kingdom. Which almost made up for not seeing the parade, fireworks or Hocus Pocus performance that my credit card points paid for.

In any event, I was just sitting down with my porter and a gal next to me, who was drinking the mimosa flight I’d had a few hours earlier, asked if I knew where the Australia booth was.

The sweetest bee decided she wanted my berry mimosa. Mom got berry everything. She would have told me not to waste my money on the flight.

Anyway yes I did know where Australia was because fatass knows her Epcot Food & Wine Festival.

Also because the poblano margarita right across from it was the first thing I tried.

She introduced herself as Tiffany. And she said please come join us.

She was there with her best friend Christina. They met when they were pregnant. Their teenage kids are friends now and their loser husbands are long gone.

They are from Cocoa Beach. I told them all about my recent trip there. They asked if I come to Disney often.

I mean, I didn’t want to say no I quit coming when Mom got sick and now I am here to avoid being sad on her birthday but I have never been sadder because she is EVERYWHERE.

So I deflected back to do they get here often.

Christina said her kid’s dad lives in Tampa and he was never good about showing up for drop-offs, as Orlando is kind of a midpoint.

So, to make up for her daughter’s dad being a constant disappointment, she got them annual passes.

“I just like to turn setbacks into successes,” Christina said.

Now THAT is a mother of the year.

Tiffany was super pretty. She said she never wants to see anyone sit alone. She remembers high school all too well and never wants anyone to feel left out. Which was why she reached out to me; she didn’t really care about Australia.

I didn’t tell her that I’m more the type to leave myself out. Whether to avoid rejection or simply to avoid wanting to do the rejecting, I’ll never tell.

Tiffany and I bonded over my Stevie Nicks mouse ears.

Which, I had to tell her about all the people who told me, “LOVE YOUR TAYLOR SWIFT EARS!” that day.

We laughed and she was going to go home and listen to Clara Bow because I started singing it. “You look like Stevie Nicks / You look like Taylor Swift.” Like they are interchangeable. Hah.

I almost gave her the ears but decided, nope. Mine. I wanted them forever, and I wear them around the house because I love them so much. It’s just nice to wear them to Disney and not (just) to greet my Amazon driver.

They all wanted to go ride Remi’s Ratatouille ride. Which I had ridden for the first time earlier and I LOVED IT. Selfie from the ride.

But I was also tired AF and not sure I was going to make it to fireworks. So, I said thank you and I can’t thank you enough for inviting me into your circle.

That was the most I talked in a week. But it still only got me to about 7:30 and I wasn’t sure 9 p.m. fireworks were gonna happen for me.

Spoiler: They did.

Epcot has a new fireworks display, “The Symphony of Us.” And all I could think of with the music was my Momma. But how could I stay awake when I was SO TIRED?

I started to walk toward the poblano margarita booth (as my porter was gone). And I stopped to take a photo with Miguel and Dante. Because, I finally realized, music plays if you stand there long enough.

Well, people kept walking in front of me as I recorded. Of course.

But then a nice group of friends stopped and asked if I wanted my photo with the statues. I said thank you, no, but hey if you stop and listen, you can hear the music with me.

And friendships were born.

So we stood there and listened and the two girls noticed the Italian horn around my neck.

They asked if I’m Italian. I said maybe; I found this in my Mom’s stuff and really wanted to wear it.

I didn’t explain Mom’s stuff and they didn’t ask. But they — and the guy — and I all started talking a million miles a minute about Bravo housewives and Kamala and Joe Biden and what a fuckup Trump is to live by.

I told them my theory on Taylor Swift getting married to Travis is in London. I also told them my theory on how JD Vance will never be president; Orange Fuck will hand it to Don Jr. if we let him get in power.

And on and on. It was so exhilarating.

OH and they liked my Stevie Nicks ears too. So I am glad I kept them.

Anyway I was trying to remember everyone’s names and Chloe, Sam, Sophia or Marcus came to mind, since we are all Swifties.

Matty and Rachel and Terra Dawn. And this Dawn!

They asked if I wanted to go on Soarin’ with them. Um, HELL YEAH I wanted to go on Soarin’ for the third time that day.

We went to a bar afterward (for them) and I scouted out a great fireworks spot. I warned them that I would cry and they are like girl, we love art and beauty. We will be crying with you.

The fireworks were amazing. And “When She Loved Me” came on, I recorded it again.

And there was this amazing dancing orb and some other energy in the shot.

I swear to god it was not there for the naked eye to see.

And it was not in any of the photos I took before or after.

Momma was with us. I know she was. I am so thankful for that.

She is in the wind and on my shoulder and everywhere I look.

I once saw a video of a woman getting bridal pictures done and she had a similar orb dancing all over her dress. Everyone said it was her mom.

So, further proof that the little yellow light who was dancing around like Star danced around Asha in “Wish” was my beloved momma.

After the fireworks — and the waterworks, of course — we all exchanged Instagrams and I noticed two of them followed me instantly. Enjoyed fireworks together and ended with a big group hug.

They asked me to join them for a post-Epcot drink. But I told them I was worried that Bella was bellowing for the whole fourth floor of the hotel to hear again.

They said hey if you are ever in Boston, New York or, hell, Orlando again, you are one of us now. We got you.

I thanked them for adopting me. I also said I think I manifested you all. I was wishing for friends and for a reason to visit New York and maybe see a Broadway play on Broadway for a change. And Matty said he just saw “The Notebook.” Which is the one I want to see next!

The girls wandered off but Matty wanted another hug. And I felt like I should tell him.

I said you guys said I’m so cool and brave for being here by myself. That I just got in the car with my cats for a fun weekend.

Truth is my Momma just died and I have not spoken to another human or FELT human until tonight.

Thank you for giving me a few hours to just be myself again. I love you all very much and I hope you all get home safely.

I changed into goddesses, villains and fools

Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

All to outrun my desertion of you

And you just watched it

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, ‘I loved you the way that you were’

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you’ve always wondered.

It was the first night I cried all the way home that it wasn’t in utter and complete sadness.

I mean, that will ALWAYS be there.

But, it was out of my mouth before it had congealed in my head.

It felt so good to talk about something other than work or much I miss my Mom.

Granted, talking about work and Mom are the only things that come naturally anymore.

But it was fun to just be Dawn again for two hours.

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