Disarray
Perhaps living in Washington gave me a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of paranoia, but I’m finding you never regret things that never come out of your mouth. Of course, whether words unspoken can poison your insides, remains to be seen.
Right now I’m trying the route of, “If you don’t have something nice to say. …” Hence, radio silence! 🙂
I finally started sleeping again. Too exhausted not to, really. But to get me to my happy place, I have a secret little thought that I pull out like a security blanket, that I wrap around me tightly and put away the moment I open my eyes.
I won’t let myself have it during the day; I shouldn’t let myself have it at all. Even just thinking about it now seems sacrilegious.
But it serves its purpose. I can’t make sense of why it’s in my head and what else to do with it, but it’s my touchstone.
For once in my life, I don’t have to make sense of everything. I want to. I maybe even need to. But I’m giving it all up to God and the fates and saying, OK, You put me here and you gave me these things and You took away these other things and I know You didn’t leave me here to figure it all out on my own.
Clearly I need church, and more often than once a week. I suspect I need therapy just as frequently. Or, at the very least, I need to find my wine bottle openers, because I’ve got plenty and I can’t get to it!